The O.C.
The Ties That Bind

Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Honeymoon Is Over

Summer stands dockside, while Seth sits in his boat. They so missed the opportunity to have Summer pull a Tori Spelling and don a sailor suit for the occasion. Unlike Tori Spelling, she would look adorable in a sailor suit. Summer rambles on about what a coincidence it is that Seth has a boat named Summer Breeze, and Seth manically agrees that it's crazy. She zings, "Well, it's the only Summer you'll be riding for a while." Seth's all, "Right. Yeah. No sex. I got it." A Random Boat Boy asks Seth for paperwork, and we deduce through their conversation that Seth is selling his boat for six thousand dollars in cash. Summer asks if he's planning to flee the country with all that money. When he explains that it's for Ryan, she asks if he's buying him "vintage wifebeaters?" Hee. Seth swears Summer to secrecy before revealing that Theresa has decided to keep the baby. Summer plotzes at this news, as Seth continues that since he spent all his money on Vegas hookers, the boat is all he has that's worth anything, and he doesn't know how else to help. Summer sweetly coos a "Cohen" at him in response to this announcement.

At The Big House for Wayward Chino Near-Adults, white twinkle lights abound. Pretty. Sadly, there's not a carnie in sight. When Jimmy enters, Caleb snits over what he's doing there, and Kirsten counters that Jimmy's family, too. Caitlyn is also family, but no one remembered to unlock her from the trunk, so she's absent at the dinner. Jimmy back-handedly congratulates Caleb on getting a "hell of a woman." Meanwhile, Lady Heather greets Summer and Seth, who snits that being a groomsman is the "fulfillment of a lifelong dream." Marissa flounces up and -- after giving her a prolonged once-over in which she can apparently find nothing to complain about -- Lady Heather declares her beautiful. Marissa manages a sullen "thanks" before Lady Heather takes her leave. Marissa asks if the others have seen Ryan, because he hasn't returned any of her calls; is he okay? Seth rambles that he "takes a long time with his hair," and is probably busy making his signature "angry claw," which takes "like, four hours" and which Marissa should see because it's weird. Summer peppers his ramblings with brief emissions including, "I don't know. Mousse. Product. I know." Hee. They both make mock hair claws with their hands, accompanied by growling noises.

Sandy tracks down Caleb to inform him that he talked to Otis the District Attorney. Caleb calls him something that sounds like a "pad load." I don't know what that means. Sandy declares that it's "over" for Caleb, which must be heartening to learn on the eve of your wedding. When Caleb wonders what he's supposed to do, Sandy questions whether he's told the "future Mrs. Nichol" about his financial situation. Caleb asks if Sandy is saying that Lady Heather is marrying Caleb for his money and through fits of stifled laughter Sandy chokes out, "No! Never! Of course not!" When he suggests that they consider postponing the wedding, Caleb deems it impossible; he's never let anyone push him around, and so the wedding will indeed be tomorrow! He manages to thank Sandy for trying, and then an amused Sandy heralds the irony of the fact that Lady Heather left Jimmy to marry Caleb, and now Jimmy is "worth millions." I'm still not getting the "worth millions" part, since he not only has people to pay back from his career as a financial advisor/thief, but he only pocketed half of $2.5 million, which doesn't go so far after purchasing a beachfront manse in Orange County. Caleb sips his wine and declares, "I don't believe in irony." Sandy suggests that that's too bad, since believing in irony might just get Caleb through these bad times. But I think Sandy has confused "irony" with "humor."

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The O.C.




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