The O.C.
The Ties That Bind

Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Honeymoon Is Over

Theresa shuffles into the kitchen and gets a "sweetie" from Kirsten, who offers up her "secret recipe -- takeout." Theresa explains that she has to work; amongst all this chaos, she's found some time to work on her tan, thought. She asks to speak with Ryan, and he follows her outside. He's wearing a brown shirt, which is an unusual choice for this show, but representative of the shit-colored predicament he's in. Theresa announces that she's been thinking, and although they haven't actually talked about it, she knows that neither of them is ready to have a baby. She flatly says she can't do it, so she's not going to "have it...the baby." I don't know why she adds "the baby" to that sentence; it's not like he'd confuse what she means and will think she's debating whether to have a hamburger. She points out that while he can tell the Cohens, she can't tell her mom. Ryan blinks and blinks and blinks his comprehension.

Seth wears a plaid shirt. It's a very plain choice for Seth, but a refreshing one. He invited Ryan down to the boat with him to renew his dock fees and take it out for a spin. When Ryan says it sounds "good," Seth corrects that it should sound "great," since they haven't been on the boat since the previous summer. If he loves sailing so much, then why hasn't he been? The weather should be fine year-round. Seth fondly recollects the time when they were just getting to know each other: "Now look at us: best friends. Brothers, even! And what do brothers do, Ryan? Do you know what brothers do? Brothers sail!" A skeptical Ryan asks which brothers sail, and Seth rambles on about the Wright brothers before they invented airplanes, asking how Ryan thought they got everywhere? Not to mention the Ringling Brothers "with their chimps...and their tigers. It's like Noah's Ark on that boat!" He continues on to Hanson playing cruise lines, and then insists that Ryan should get excited because he just dodged a bullet. Seth shit-mouths that it wasn't an actual bullet, and also that he thinks it's cool, although not so much cool. In short, he thought Ryan would be relieved; Ryan admits that he is, but insists that it's complicated. Seth's all, "Too complicated for banter about boats or Hanson?" Seth's banter is, as usual, complicated enough.

At the pool house, we focus on Theresa attempting to put on an earring for about forty-five full seconds. She doesn't succeed. I don't know why it's relevant, but since the editors deem it fit to show us, maybe it is. Maybe next season they'll go all C.S.I. on us, and Seth and Ryan will use the DNA from that earring to prove that the baby isn't Ryan's, after all. Kirsten awkwardly enters, offering up tea, toast, and Dramamine. Theresa declines the interesting cocktail, and then explains that she can't be late for work today because she's got the afternoon off for her Planned Parenthood appointment. Kirsten asks whether Ryan is going with her, and Theresa admits that she hasn't told him yet because he'll freak out. She also can't tell her mother, who is "extremely religious." Kirsten suggests that Theresa will need someone there with her to listen to the doctors, and also because she won't want to drive. She adds, "I'm an excellent driver. Amazing parker." Aw. Theresa admits that she hates to parallel park, and so they're all set to go together. You'd think Theresa would be good at parallel parking, since in the hell that is Chino, there is nothing but parallel parking spots.

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The O.C.




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