Time of Your Life
The Time They Had Not

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The Time They Had Not

Opening crud-its. Sarah falling, Sarah calling, Sarah swinging, Sarah dancing. Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah. The word has lost all meaning.

Platypus and JB the ex-Gigolo are jogging together. JB is trying to get Platypus, who has her hair done up in two pathetic pigtails, to talk: "This is cool...running together...gives us a chance to talk...get to know each other...like you said we should...want to pitch in here?" Platypus says she likes watching him work for it. JB asks what the squishing sound is, and Platypus says "Damn socks. The dryer in my building is -- long story." Just a question -- if JB lives across the street, why doesn't she just use his dryer? I used to haul my laundry across the river to my fiancé's dorm because it saved me about ten dollars every time to do my wash over there. Platypus suggests they play "Favorites." "I say 'favorite movie' and you have to answer it, that's the rule," she says. JB responds, "Easy, T2." "Okay, that's revealing," Platypus says. JB asks what Platypus's favorite song is, and Platypus tries dodge-answering by saying, "Pass." JB won't let her get away with it and says, "Wait, I thought you said you have to answer it?" Platypus says, "Yeah, but you'll laugh and I'll have to kill you." They stop running and stretch. JB says, "Rules are rules, and besides, I'll bug you until you tell me." Platypus gives in, "All right, when I was like, nine, my parents had this Donny Osmond album. The one with 'Go Away Little Girl' [how fitting is that?] on it. Anyway, I would crank the song so I could hear it out on the porch and I would go out and dance with this poster I had of Scott Baio." JB laughs. Platypus says coyly, "I can't believe I just told you that." JB says, "Are you kidding, I love that you told me that, and just so you know, I will use that against you." Platypus pouts, "That's not fair. Give me something on you, and make it juicy." JB kisses her instead. Platypus says, "JB, when I said juicy --" He interrupts her with another kiss. Platypus protests that she thought they were going to take it slow. JB says, "How about we take it medium?" and Platypus suggests that they run instead.

Sarah is doing the shopper thing with Trendy Blonde, who guesses Sarah's from California. Sarah is surprised: "San Francisco, actually, why?" Trendy Blonde tells her that she didn't hear "the Fargo thing" so she knew Sarah wasn't from the Midwest, and she didn't think Sarah was the Southern-belle type, so of course it had to be California. Gee, want to try out any more stereotypes? I'd like to add for the record that (a) Fargo is in North Dakota and NOT Minnesota like people assume, and (b) I am from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I lived there for over twenty years, and I don't do "the Fargo thing." Furthermore, none of my friends or family does either, and the only time I have heard that accent is in the movies or on TV. Get over the Fargo thing -- it is old, it is tired, and it is annoying as hell. Sarah tries to guess where Trendy Blonde is from. She guesses Chicago (which is in the Midwest, so I don't know why she guessed it, since TB doesn't have the Fargo accent either) and Maine. She is wrong both times. Apparently, TB is from Boone, Iowa. Sarah and TB laugh, because Iowa is funny. Do I need to mention that Iowa's yet another Midwestern state? Sarah marvels at the fact that someone out of Iowa was able to achieve the position of Assistant Editor at Jody (which we can assume is supposed to stand in for Jane). TB explains that she was living with three roommates in a one-bedroom, fifth-floor walk-up, and she took a job as a "sprayer." No, it's not someone who sprays dogs and cats for fleas, although I made the same mistake. You know, it's one of those annoying people who accosts shoppers with foul-smelling perfumes. Apparently, Jody herself walked in one day and asked for TB's opinion, TB gave it, and Jody offered her an internship. Snap, just like that. Puh-lease. To snag a line from one of my fellow writers at MBTV, "Help! One of my eyes is stuck in the back of my head!" So what's the lofty Assistant Editor at Jody doing taking care of the company's shopping? That's what underlings like me are for. TB and Sarah admire some watches and decide they would be good for the models. Sarah comments that they are "pricey." TB reminds her of the $20,000 she has to play with. Sarah says, "Right, let's start spending!" TB tells her that she has to run and asks Sarah to pick out thirty and have them individually wrapped. She asks Sarah to bring them by the office the next day, "And I'll sneak out, we'll go for cawfee." If she starts talking about being verklempt, I'm handing in my resignation to Sars.

It looks as though we are doubly lucky tonight, because not only do we get Cecilia, we get Joss as well. Joss is straightening up her apartment, complaining that her sister is an hour late. Scraggle tries to calm her down. From their conversation, it sounds like Casey, Joss' sister, is a bit of a screwy dame, because Scraggle says, "Hey, maybe she joined the Hari Krishnas at the airport. Wouldn't be the first time." Joss says, "They weren't Hari Krishnas, they were -- never mind. It didn't last." Scraggle comments that nothing with Casey lasts. Joss says, "Hey, maybe she's coming home because she wants to tell us in person she's getting married or she got a great new job, or maybe she just wants to be with her family for the holidays." That would be a first for characters on this show. Scraggle looks unconvinced. Joss concedes, "Okay, okay, but maybe it's something good." Scraggle comments, "Or from another planet." There's a knock, and Joss lets Casey in, who says upon entering, "Look, I know I'm late but La Guardia was insane." Yeah, what was Joss complaining about, anyway? La Guardia airport, or any airport for that matter (even a Midwestern one), during the holidays is not conducive to keeping a tight schedule. The sisters hug, and each comments on how great the other looks. Casey kisses Scraggle and tells him he's looking as good as ever, and then says she's going to barf and asks for Saltines, right before complaining how hot the apartment is. Pregnant much? Joss doesn't get it until she comments on how fat Casey has gotten: "Ooh, you've been eating a lot more than crackers!" Casey says, "It's not permanent." Joss, still not clueing in, says, "What, it's just going to fall off?" Casey rubs her stomach (do all pregnant women have to do that?) and says, "May tenth, that's when I'm due." Joss and Scraggle exchange looks. Casey goes on, "And before you ask, that son of a bitch Trey was stepping out on me, so I kicked his bony butt to the curb." Joss just stares at her.

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Time of Your Life




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