Finally, we get out of the courtroom for five minutes. A car comes careening down a dark street, sliding into a parking spot in front of Scully's house.
Doggett and Moronica come on up to the House of Total Pain, Agony, Tears, and Deaths of Beloved Family Members (also known as: Scully's Place). Doggett announces that they might have found Noel Roooooaooar's body. "What are you talking about?" Scully asks. "[Noel Roaoaoaooooor] can't die; he's a Super Soldier." Wait. What? Noel Rooooooooaoaoaor is a Super Soldier? Holy crap! Why didn't anyone say anything? That changes everything. "Exactly," Moronica says. Apparently, the military's got a body they're saying is Noel Roaooaoaoaoaoaor's, but...it couldn't possibly be. Because he's...well, you know. Doggett tells Scully that he managed to get a dunderheaded Marine to transfer the body to Quantico. "We've got the car out front," he tells her. At this, Gibson comes wandering out of the bedroom. "Agent Scully?" he asks. Everyone looks at each other. "Agent Doggett can stay with him," Moronica says.
So the girls go to Quantico. They stare at the covered body for a long moment before Scully takes a deep breath and whips off the sheet. And the body is way crispy. Spender looks like Brad Pitt next to this guy. "Oh my God," Moronica exhales, grossed out. "This is [Noel Roaoaoaoaoaoaor]?" she asks. Scully consults a clipboard. "That's what it says here," she says. Moronica wonders how anyone could tell if it wasn't. Scully thinks. "I need you to get me [Noel Roaoooooooooaaaooor's] medical records," she finally says. Moronica stares at her. "That'd have to go through the military, I don't know if I can," she says. "You've got to, [Moronica]," Scully tells her. "Whatever it takes. I need those records for Skinner. I need them for Mulder." Moronica finally nods, and races off. Scully snaps on the latex.
Courthouse, baby. I guess it's the next day. Who knows? Kersh irritably asks Skinner to call his next witness. Skinner's reluctantly looking at some papers (stalling for time, I suspect), when Scully races in holding a file folder. "Assistant Director?" she asks. They confab. Skinner looks over her papers and she leans across the table to whisper to Mulder. "I found it," she tells him. "What's going to get you off." The action figures snicker uncontrollably at this. The Mulder passes the Scully another swig of booze. The introduction of alcohol into their relationship seems to have cleared up their differences quite nicely: the Mulder is massaging the Scully's remaining foot, and I think I heard her slur something about being sorry she ran off with an obsessive lesbian pop star, but that it sounded like a good idea at the time. Skinner looks up and moves to dismiss, based on new evidence that the so-called body of Noel Roaoaooaoaoooaoaoar is actually the body of a man who died of a broken neck and was burned post-mortem. Dale furrows his brow. Kersh immediately denies his motion. Everyone in the courtroom stares at him, shocked. "You can't deny it," Scully yells. "You're out of order and in contempt of court, Agent Scully," Kersh says. Scully purses her lips. "You're in contempt," she retorts. Oh, good one. Scully insists that she's brought evidence that Mulder is innocent, and that Kersh has to look at it. Kersh spits that she had no authorization to examine the body, and orders that Scully be removed from the courtroom. Mulder finally stands. "She's got evidence, you have to listen!" he yells. Hey, maybe he doesn't want to die so much after all. That's nice to know. This time, it's Scully's turn to be dragged from the courtroom, as Kersh hollers that they are adjourned. Adjourned! Everyone looks simply flabbergasted, including Dale. Hell, especially Dale. Welcome to the FBI, Dale. That said, I'm currently suffering some job dissatisfaction (not here at TWoP. At my other job), and I'm thinking maybe I ought to join the FBI. I mean, that's probably bad news for my family and friends and I'll have to give up on the idea of having a baby ever, but it does seems like I'd have a decent chance of meeting a nice (albeit probably issue-ridden) boy and the work seems like it'd be pretty stimulating, what with all the running for your life and shooting bad guys and figuring out mass conspiracies and trying to put a stop to alien invasions. What do you think? ["I think you should join the CIA instead, and then become a double agent with a foxy, large-foreheaded CIA handler. I understand that's what adventure-minded ladies from Los Angeles do." -- Wing Chun]