Vampire Diaries

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Full-Grown Alpha Male Douche Bag
he back of the warehouse. Even Damon grimaces at this. And we cut to...

MFHS Interior; Night: The Promise of YOUR Future awaits; I'm sure of it, because I'm looking at the second banner to tell me so in under 15 minutes. That's right; it's career night at MFHS. She's-the-Sheriff and the Mayor stroll past the booths, while she tells him there's no new news on their new vampire. When he acts disgusted, she tells him to feel free to pick up a stake and have at it. They talk precautions and she says that there's nowhere safer than a crowded public place. "And for once, Mayor, we finally know where our kids are." Jeremy and Tyler meet up at what I guess is the art table. Featuring student art. At career night. Germ smirks and pokes Tyler (metaphorically) about being surprised to see him at the art table, since art implies culture, which is something Tyler lacks. Tyler tells him to go to hell. Germ just smiles as Tyler walks off. He then looks at the drawing in front of him. It features a creepy, muscular human figure, crouching as if he's going to attack. Jeremy checks the artist's signature at the bottom and whaddya know? It reads Tyler Lockwood. He looks off after Tyler, as if with new eyes. Poor Vicki. If she'd only played it cool for a little while longer, she could have had a hell of a good time. Sniff.

Meanwhile, Elena gets flirty with Matt, asking him if he still wants to be an astronaut when he grows up and teasing him about the tinfoil he wore on his head. (Really people, I don't usually pimp my links, but click that one.) Matt protests that he was only 8 years old. They share a laugh, and then grow more serious. She asks how he's doing. Matt sighs that he's had it easier. He asks the same of Elena. "I mean...I heard some things." Just then, poor little Vervain-less Caroline enters behind them and watches their cozy-looking discussion. Matt stammers, "So it's true that you and Stefan..." When Elena says, "Yeah, it is," Caroline slips out of the gym, unnoticed. Poor lamb. Elena soon adopts a more upbeat tone, moves a little further away from Matt, and asks him what's up with him and Caroline. She gives him a look when he claims they're friends and that it's no big deal. Matt holds her gaze as he shakes his head. "No." Oh man, his perfect Pudding Pop face is so full of hope, I can't bear to look at it, but I can't turn away. Just as Elena seems like she might be contemplating something more with him, Stefan enters through the doorway behind them. Elena straightens up as she catches sight of him, and her feelings are written all over her face, like a preemptory Dear John letter to Matt. I go looking for that blanket and hoping that I've got some pudding mix in the house, because I can't take this any more. That poor, poor baby. I have to save him, take him home, and feed him pudding. Preferably warm. And chocolate. I really like Elena. Like...a lot. And I like her with Stefan too, but whenever she breaks Pudding Pop's heart anew, I want someone to drain her of all her blood and do a no-suffering mind-compulsion thing on Matt, because just look at him. Oof.

Warehouse: Scum says, "Why am I so overly emotional? All I can think about is my ex-girlfriend. I want to be with her, and bite her, and stuff." Damon tells him he probably loves her and gives us this Mythology Moment: "Anything you felt before will be magnified, now." He glares at Scum and adds, "You're going to have to learn how to control that." Hello, Pot? Kettle's on line one. What Scum really wants to know is how Damon and Stefan manage to walk in daylight. Damon fiddles with his ring, which is a tell I would think he'd avoid at all costs. At any rate, he evades answering the question. Scum notes that the day-walking power is not in any of the journals, and explains that the founding families passed their journals down to their offspring. He then gets right back to demanding an answer. Damon ignores him. "Who turned you?" Logan ignores him. "How do you walk in the sun?" Damon juts his chin forward. "Who turned you?" Logan says although he's been nice so far, he will kill Damon. Damon calls his bluff, saying if he does that, he'll never know. Once they agree they're at an impasse, Scum says he has things to do and people to kill, so he'll need a head start. He shoots Damon a few more times, and leaves him writhing in pain on the warehouse floor. That was for you, Lexi.

Career Night: Elena knows Stefan's just there to look out for her. Things are tense between them, so Stefan tries to make small talk about his past. He wanted to be a doctor, but once he was turned, he couldn't handle working around blood. He tried lots of other things over the years and loved them all, but he moved on before anyone noticed he never aged.

Sidebar: Here's a word of advice to the writers -- don't hit that ageless point too many times. Paul Wesley is a beautiful, youthful, 27 year old specimen, but with any luck, this show will go five years or more. If/since it's really pushing it to sell a beautiful, youthful 27 year old as a 17 year old, imagine the challenge once he's 32 years old. I mean, in five years, Wesley's looks are going to change, noticeably, and probably more so than anyone else in the cast. Now, they won't change for the worse. He'll grow even manlier and more appealing. But still? No matter what anyone does, he will not look more childlike. Check out David Boreanaz in season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then take a gander at him in season 3, and then throughout the life of his spin-off series, Angel and you'll see what I mean. If you ever retcon Stefan's age-at-siring with an "he lied about it so Elena wouldn't freak," or "Daywalkers don't age, but they appear to, if ever so slowly, because of their exposure to the sun," I've got your backs. Okay, back to the show.

Elena wonders how long it took each time before Stefan had to pick up stakes (oh, sorry). He always had to leave after a few years at most. He didn't have a choice. He tries to change the subject and asks Elena about her plans for the future but she resists. "I don't want to talk about my future, Stefan, because everything you're saying is making it perfectly clear you're not going to be in it." He stammers that it's not that he doesn't want to be in her life. She cuts him off. "You can't. I get it. I heard you the first time and the second time. I appreciate you looking out for me, but please, if you're going to leave -- then just go." Anya whines, "I'm tired and I don't really feel like taking a tour of beautiful things I can't have." Amen.

Jenna hustles over and interrupts the awkward conversation, asking Elena to hide her. "The Scum Fell has landed." When Stefan realizes they're talking about Logan Fell, he takes off into the hallway because, of course, he knows Logan should be dead. Stefan gives him the evil eye. Logan returns a cheeky wave. Their glares carry us into... Commercial.

After the break, Elena catches up with Stefan and asks him what's going on. Jenna follows her, prompting Scum to say, "JENNA!" Stefan grabs Elena's hand, turns to her and suggests she and Jenna go someplace else. He telegraphs with his eyes that she needs to take him seriously, so she does. Jenna follows her, just glad to be getting away from the Scum. When Stefan asks Scum what he's doing there, Scum suggests they cut through all the "who turned [him]" b.s. he just went through with Damon. He wants to know how to become a daywalker. Stefan obfuscates. "Damon and I are the only ones I know of." Logan wants to get to the how of it. He threatens to use his local-celebrity status to expose the Brothers Salvatore. Stefan keeps his voice low and even. "You want to know how you can walk around in the sun?" He waits a b

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Vampire Diaries




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