Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 1 USERS: A+
So That Was Kinda Hot
at's over, because next, she vamps out and gouges out his eyes with her thumbs. It's disgusting. Blood (blackish, I think) shoots from them. Damon screams and struggles until Pearl casts him to the floor. "I have 400 years on you little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking, and you know it." She turns to leave. "I'll be in touch." Damon lifts himself up on his knees and blindly finds the couch. His eyes are gaping, red pits. COMMERCIAL.

In the middle of the above-scene, we cut away for a moment to Gilbert Gables, where Jeremy is BINGing it. Actually, he's on some Vampire website. The only part of the graphic visible reads "Lair." His chat room name? "Vampjer." Here's the whole exchange:

Vampjer: How do you become a vampire?
Bloodybecky: Brad Pitt changed me.
FANG69: go to vegas. ask for wayne newton.
Vampjer: how do you kill a vampire?
USUCK14: the blood of Paula Abdul.

At that last comment, Jeremy laughs aloud. "Freak." Enjoy the irony, kids. The chat continues.

Vampjer: Serious answers only please.
Bloodybecky: stake in the heart always works.
Vampjer: you're a believer?
Bloodybecky: aren't you?

Gilbert Gables: Elena opens the door to find Stefan and a colorful spring bouquet that's nearly as lovely as he is. Mostly this is just couple-y cuteness, like her teasing him about not having a car, even though he was around before they were even invented. As we'll see later, he does have one, it's just not running. Elena half thinks they should cancel their plans, because maybe they were never meant to get to normal. Stefan says that's exactly why they should go out with Matt and Caroline. He stayed in town for normal moments like bringing a date flowers. When she asks if he's ever been on a double date before, he says, "Oh, absolutely. '72. Hef and the twins." Elena: "What?" Stefan: "Yeah. Playmates. I got Miss June." Elena knows better than to be jealous of a woman who's probably nearing 60 now, so smiles and grabs her cute 162 year old boyfriend's proffered arm, and they grin their way to the door.

Downtown: Pearl and Anna meet up with Jenna, who is showing them the late Dr. Greyson Gilbert's office building, which has been in the family for generations. She points out how old the building is and says it used to be used as one of those old-fashioned drug store thingies. Pearl: "An apothecary? [...] You don't say." As Jenna apologizes for the mustiness, Anna spots Jeremy, doing the pothead shuffle down the street. He doesn't see her, but she smiles widely at the very sight of him.

Mystic Grill: Kelly's sitting at the bar when Damon walks in, wearing sunglasses. She comments on how they're out of place, inside. Damon says his eyes are a little sensitive, today. I bet. Finally, he takes off the shades and thank goodness his vampire healing has already kicked in and restored his beautiful baby blues. Although Damon's heart isn't really in it, they flirt. Kelly reveals not only that she's been stood up on her job interview by Roberta, but that she previously boinked Roberta's man. What did I tell you? Soon, Jenna arrives. She tells Damon that crazy Kelly used to babysit her. Kelly, who must be feeling her years, adds that they later partied together. Oh they were wild. Oh they were bad girls. Oh Jenna is responsible now, though. Oh, Kelly's not. Oh Oh Oh. Is this whole thing feeling a little forced to y'all, too? Anyhow, Kelly talks Jenna into taking a night off from being so upright, claiming it's good for the soul. Damon agrees. When the bartender brings them shots, Jenna says, "This is not going to end well." Damon says he can't wait, but I still think he's fronting.

Pearl's Pilfered Pad: Frederick hates being trapped in Ms. Gibbons' house, but Bethanne (the African American vampire who met up with Harper in the town square, last time) points out it's better than the tomb, Fred says he didn't stay locked up there only to get locked up here. Harper says to quit complaining. When Bethanne tries to remind him of Pearl's plans, Fred couldn't care less. He turns on Harper and with one simple question, ending in one simple word, he takes us back 145 years. "What you got, boy?" Harper zooms forward and pushes Fred back on the couch. Fred zooms back at Harper and throws him up against the wall. "Try that again..." Fred is interrupted from throttling Harper, by Pearl, who enters and throttles Fred. "Back off. Back off. We don't fight each other. Those are the rules." Pearl says they have to keep a low profile for now. Even if no one else knows who Fred is, the Salvatore boys do. Fred wishes he could run into them. "They're the reason we were caught in the first place." No Fred. Katherine is, but let's not quibble. It's time to jump to...

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Vampire Diaries




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