Top Chef
Top Chef 3: Watch What Happens

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Shit Happens

Next up is a pandering Padma question about her perennial hotness, and a fan -- who says he would drink her bathwater, which reminds me of that Trekkie who drank Jon DeLancie's flu water -- wants to know how the cheftestants get any work done around her. Before getting to the answers, we get a Padma fashion clip show. Most of it is abs and do-rags on the beach, but there's the pap smear shorts as well. Tim Gunn wants us to know that he LOVES Padma's style and that she works it and should keep working it. Michelle Bernstein -- all scary smiles -- tells us she's surprised Padma doesn't get burned more considering her lack of clothing. One hilarious cut has Padma flaring her eyes and patting her big hair, saying, "We're missing a spatula that I use for a mirror." Colicchio jumps to Padma's defense as well saying, "She's not cooking in that kitchen!" Padma says, "It doesn't matter -- all I have to do on the show is think, speak, and eat, and I'm dressed perfectly for those three tasks." Yeah, but honey? We've heard you don't do two of those very well. Padma says she's going to keep opening her closet and wearing the things in it. Ted Allen applauds, and Gail says, "Bravo." Padma says, "People don't know this but Gail is much more of a..." "I'm the real slut, is what she's trying to say," Gail jokes. Not slut, no way -- just boobtacular. Sandee steps up to say that on behalf of all the chefs, Padma is a real pleasure when she comes into the kitchen, so she doesn't care what she's wearing. Still on Padma, another fan wants to know about the scar on her arm. Hey, fan from Wisconsin -- did you ever hear of Google? Or that thing people around the office refer to as "The internet"? The Wisconsin fan and her husband suspect Padma had surgery when she was young. "No, it's actually from when I was tiger hunting in Bengal --" Padma deadpans amidst roars of laughter. Padma admits her scar is from a car accident she was in when she was fourteen.

Moving on to other personal subjects, a fan from Guerneville, CA wants Colicchio to know that he's become an icon of the "Bear" community. Everyone dissolves into laughter -- Ilan especially. He looks like a monkey. Apparently, because Andy doesn't know of such things, he asks Ted Allen to translate the gay. "My understanding of the Bear community, which is extremely limited, is that it's gay men who appreciate...muscular, strong, really masculine, burly men. So apparently, the burly gay men of American find you delicious, Tom." Colicchio giggles, "Hear! Hear! to the burly gay men of America," and gives an embarrassed thumbs-up, while Padma strokes him in congratulations. However, just to make sure that we ALL KNOW HE'S HETERO SO HANDS OFF BOYS, Colicchio says, "You know, as long as I go home, my wife and my son appreciate me, I'm happy."

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Top Chef




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