The Good Wife
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
I Am Not The Cheese

Diane: "Yeah, because you're not listening to subtle hints or our secret twin language anymore because you don't want to hear what I'm saying, so here's what I've been saying, translated into English. Stop fucking Peter Florrick's wife. You are her boss, which first of all, and secondly he is our enemy, and he is going to kill each of us. He is going to come in here with guns, and ASAs, and Glenn Childs, and mortar shells, and he is going to take us down one by one. He will take the scalp of David Lee, he will chase Caitlin into the bathroom with a bayonette, he will throw little Eli through a glass wall, he will hunt down America Ferrera and gut her like a fish. This is war, Will. Plausible deniability is not going to do it. Your dick is killing us. You have forced me to abandon decorum, and for that, I cannot forgive you right now."

Will, kicking things in impotent rage: "Don't wanna!"
Diane: "Don't care. I have to go make a blanket fort with Eli and bunker down."


Even their conference table is Corn. A giant Corn.

Eli: "You, gentlemen, are a grain. You are not a vegetable. In fact, other vegetables gain more by being associated with you than you with them. That is why you were left off MyPlate. Where is Corn? It is subsumed in Vegetables. Subsumed. But we aim to change all that. With this!"

He reveals a body diagram, like a gingerbread man, with sections for the exact same shit as all the other ones, but in different amounts. At the center of the body, where the heart would be if it weren't diseased and full of cholesterol and high blood pressure, is a giant ear of Corn.

Eli: "Corn is at the heart, you see. A place of prominence. To reflect its importance in the American diet, as it slowly kills Americans. It is to all our benefit to rethink the current food chart. All of us except the people who will actually eat by these gerrymandered, fucked-up, lobbied-out, dirtied-up rules."
Corn: "The heart, the heart. He Who Walks Behind The Rows dwells in the heart of America."
Eli: "He Who Walks Behind The Rows will thank you and bless you. Just help me fuck Vegetables so I can get that lady."
Corn Guild: "He Who Walks Behind The Rows will thank us and bless us. All thanks to He Who Walks Behind The Rows. He dwells in abundance. And government subsidy."

Stacie: "Haha, that idiot is in there right now plugging some stupid gingerbread pyramid... Oh hey, Eli! Cutie-cute, that's what you are."
Eli: "These Corn motherfuckers are scary as hell. It's like an entire lobby made up of Grace Florricks. Meanwhile, what is going on? Why are you courting them?"
Stacie: "Oh, that's me fucking you again. That's like three times. Listen, Corn and Fruit were always secret allies, thanks to me. We are all Produce. You're just what gets skimmed off the top of Dairy."
Eli: "You're making me mad, cow."
Stacie: "Good one! I still win though. Go to hell. You take your Cheese and you go to hell. For I have already won. Let the Pyramid be your grave, as in days of yore."

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The Good Wife




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