Hung

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DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
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Battle for Ray's Bulge
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We open with Tanya reading a book and shooing flies. She notices two on the table and about a billion on her gross, crusty walls. It's nighttime, but she immediately shows up at Ray's tent to tell him about the flies, because ... what else would you do? She stumbles into his tent and then tells him about the infestation. She's completely panicking, near a nervous breakdown. She adorably describes the flies as "pudgy." He's like, "Are you afraid of flies or something?" She says the universe is trying to tell her she's dead meat, since her boyfriend disappeared in Cuba, and she's afraid Ray's going to disappear, too. He says he's not going anywhere. She's still his pimp, and is not dead meat. She's relieved, but he looks uncertain.

Next day, in a fancy restaurant, Ray's with the enemy (Lenore). She's pointing out how all the women around them have lots of money and husbands who can't please them. Lenore knows this because these women tell her. A waiter comes up and calls Lenore Mrs. (something that I couldn't make out). Ray questions it, and she says that's her maiden name. (Why "Mrs.," then?) Ray's like, "You're married?" Lenore: "No." I get she's supposed to be a little off, but I think they might be going too far with this character. Lenore points out a horny lady across the room, and asks if Ray wants a date with her. Ray worries about Tanya, but Lenore says he has to choose: Lenore or Tanya, because Tanya dilutes the franchise.

As Ray's tearing walls out in his house, he wonders in voiceover why he felt so guilty about Tanya. Uh, possibly because she's sweet and cares about you, and Lenore's an ice queen? If I had to hazard a guess. He continues in VO that he decided to focus on the house, and just when it was almost ready to get rewired, he finds a bunch of honey inside his walls. He feels like the butt of a cosmic joke, and wonders where the bees went. Next day at work, he asks Mike (his assistant coach) if he's ever heard of honey in anyone's walls. He hasn't, and he's confused -- who wouldn't be? -- and he's sort of busy worrying about the list "Joe" told him about that has the names of teachers getting laid off. Mike heard he's on it, so Ray offers to go talk to Rhonda and find out.

New BFFs Lenore and Jessica are getting massages, which Lenore says she gets every week. It's actually some sort of stretching, so as they talk, Jessica's legs are being pushed up over her head and all over the place. Lenore tells Jessica that what she really needs is good sex (her words: "take charge of your pussy"), with a professional. At first, Jessica thinks she means a sex therapist to talk to, but... not so much. She asks Jessica how many times she's had sex with her husband (her words: "how many times was he inside you?") last week, and Jessica hasn't, so she seems willing to concede -- especially because Lenore pays her all sorts of compliments and masks it under the guise of avoiding divorce. Lenore says Jessica needs someone who will fuck her so good she won't care what her husband does or doesn't do. Well, Jessica's obviously had Ray sex before, and it wasn't so good she couldn't leave it, so I'm confused as to where they want to go with this.

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Hung

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