Alias
A Higher Echelon

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Bring Me A Higher Love!

We quick-cut to The Different Dark Dungeon Of Dental Dementia as Marshall click-clacks away at his laptop.

Zoom! And we're back at Oops Center. Hee. "Oops Center." Hee hee. Sometimes, I just make myself laugh. Kendall says something about Spy Mommy's intel on Swarm and how info sec hasn't been able to locate a backdoor access point. Of course, at this precise moment, all the computer screens in the entire Oops Center just go blank. Everyone scrambles. Kendall, Jack, Sydney, and Vaughn make haste over to Adorable Tech Agent Rick. Kendall's all, uh, Doofus? What the hell just happened? ATAR's all, name's Rick, actually, and I had to shut down the system because that fucking Russian Swarm program detected I was mapping its network and spit out a virus. Syd glances at the screen and sees that the virus is conveniently labeled on the screen: "Quicksand." She's totally sounding pleased with herself when she says, "My mother knew this would happen. That's the word she used: 'quicksand.'" Kendall's all, yeah? Well, then maybe SHE'S the one who set up the virus! Syd's all, oh for GOD'S SAKE, WILL YOU GROW UP! What's the point of having her hot bod here if you're not going to use her? And I do mean "use"! Heh. Heh heh. I'm dirty. Kendall's all, okay, Jack? You've been saying all along that Irina turned herself in as part of a plan, right? Well, if, for once, you were right, then giving her access to Echelon could only help her out in that avenue. Kendall's obviously looking for Jack to get his back. Jack's not ponying up the goods. "In this instance," he gruffs, "I think she would be an asset." Kendall's all, oh, nice! I act as your wingman all those times down in the Manila tramp bars and now you gotta go and be like dat? Where's the love?

Mama Hari's Den Of Delights. Syd tells her mom that they found Quicksand. Irina's all, yeah, and how's this MY problem? I told your daddy the terms. Full access, honey. No less. Syd's all, Dad fought for you on this, okay? Try not to make him think you're as big of a bitch as we all know you are.

Seconds later, Irina's led upstairs, surrounded by several marshals. Most of the CIA agents fall over themselves in order to get out of her way. Because, you know, even shackled and surrounded by a bunch of guys with guns, that Irina could still do some serious damage. She's taken over to Rick's desk. Rick looks like he just peed himself, just a little, and vacates his seat. Irina holds out her hands, obviously waiting for someone to unlock her hands, which one of the marshals does. Although, really, that's totally not necessary. My hands are practically shackled together while I type this, dudes. She's such a prima donna. Spy Mommy takes her seat at the desk and announces that she'll need to send an access code. Kendall's all, okay, but, like, how will we know you're not signaling your operation? Huh? Answer me that! Irina's all, you won't. And Syd? Give your Uncle Kendall a global thermonuclear wedgie while we're waiting for him to give me permission to do this thing. Kendall looks at Jack as if to warn him that if Irina goes apeshit, it's Jack's fault. Jack just nods at Sydney as if to say, go ahead, honey -- rip Uncle Kendall's boxers clear up his crack. Daddy says it's okay. Finally, Kendall wises up and snaps at Irina to go ahead and send the damn code. Irina starts clackety-clacking away.

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Alias

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