Alias
A Higher Echelon

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Bring Me A Higher Love!

Back atThe Different Dark Dungeon Of Dental Dementia, Marshall's still typing while the minions watch his every move. Dingus starts blathering on about Pez as he writes the program. It's seriously the most bizarre speech I've ever had to transcribe, so here it is.

"Hey, you guys like cherry Pez? You know, cherry Pez? The little candy, comes in the little superhero thing? Yeah, I collect the dispensers. I thought I had the largest collection in the world. I actually wrote the Guinness Book of World Records about it. Well, they said that there was a girl in Australia, nine years old, with a collection larger than me. Which kind of sucked 'cause you know, she's so much younger than me and uh...I'm so much older than her so...I'm kind of hungry, you guys got some snacks? Or you're probably..."

Then there's this pause where the minions sort of stare at him as if to say, uh, what is WRONG with this guy? Then one of them snaps at him in another language and thumps him on the back while the other one cocks his gun in a threatening manner. Marshall's all, okay, I guess that's a "no" on the snacks, huh?

Back at SD-6, Dix walks into some room and barks at Face's Boy Toy that there's something wrong with his computer and he can't get online. "Can you check it out?" Boy Toy's all, okay, first of all, I'm Face's boy toy, not YOURS, and secondly, "someone's launched a denial of server attack on us. We're getting pinged over and over. It's slowing down the network." Dix says, "That's odd. They didn't spoof the origin IP. How can someone be smart enough to hack in here and forget to cover their tracks?"

Whuh? Huh? Who the? What the? Hey, is that a lollipop? Yum. Watermelon! My favorite!

Back with Marshall, the Echelon storyline starts stretching so long and thin that I'm about to snap it with a flick of my finger. Jesus, this is taking forever. SDAP scoots in, yells something in another language, the minions grab Marshall, and Marshall's all, the hell? SDAP's all, uh, dude? You broke through our firewall. Wanna tell me why? Marshall's all, I was just downloading a song off Audiogalaxy, dude. Just to prove that he's not full of shit and that the writers were obviously sniffing their rancid gym shorts for a cheap high, Marshall hits a couple of keys, and a Sammy Hagar song starts playing.

Oh, please.

Marshall returns to his computer, and we return to wondering when this episode will ever end.

Back at SD-6 again. Dix walks through the halls with a piece of paper. He stops at Syd's desk and tells her to join him. Seconds later, they're standing in front of Sloane's desk as he looks at the piece of paper. Turns out Marshall's in Mexico City; he signaled SD-6 through his computer. The incessant pinging must have done the trick. Sloane's all, yeah, uh-huh, okay, whatever. I'll totally send an extraction team in for him. Now, can you leave so I can go back to watching the Echelon countdown on my computer screen? Syd and Dix are all, uh, yeah, whatever on the "extraction team," you psycho. We want to go in ourselves. Sloane, by now twisting his hands in his finest impersonation of Dr. Evil, barely nods at them in agreement. They head out to rescue Marshall, wondering how soon Sloane's going to start laughing maniacally and cloning himself just for fun.

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Alias

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