Alias
A Higher Echelon

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Bring Me A Higher Love!

Note to Merrin Dungey: You are not useless. The character Francie is useless.

Note to J.J. Abrams: Ditto on what Foolio said about the pictures, dude. Don't think I won't do it. I'm a former actor. I know production assistants all over L.A. It's like organized crime, dude. We'll get you somehow.

Note to writers: Shut up.

Anyway, Syd blurts, "I have a crush on a guy at work." Okay, A) "crush" so ain't the word for it and B) KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, SYD. God. I swear I could be a better spy than her. I swear it.

Shut up, Viggo. Did you wash behind your ears? That's what I thought. And dude? I don't think you're supposed to have MUSHROOMS growing between your toes. Oh yeah? Two words: Ron Livingston. March it, buster.

Foolio's all, really? Who is he? Oh, and don't think I'm buying that you actually have time at work to have a crush on anyone. And you better start making your work lies a little tighter, sister. I may be an annoying plot pusher, but I'm not stupid. ["Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence." -- Sars] Syd's all, someone in my department or something. Oh, and his name's NOT Michael. Foolio's all, what's his name? "Michael," blushes Syd. Whoops. AND SHE'S A SPY? She cries at the drop of a hat, she bungles ninety percent of her missions, she has daddy issues, and she SPILLS THE NAME OF HER HOT LUST OBJECT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER BEST FRIEND'S RESTAURANT?

What-fucking-EVER.

Syd goes on all, he's...I don't know how to describe him. He's smart, he's hot, he's funny, he's hot, he's sweet, he's HOT, he's French, he's HOT, he's charming, he's HOT, he's cute and, well, what else? Oh, HE'S HOT. Foolio's all, cute? You mean "hot" cute, right? Not cute like Justin Timberlake cute. You know, because, even though Justin's an adult, it's still kind of wrong to dig his ass. Syd's all, ohhhh no, "hot" cute. Definitely HOT cute.

By the way, both Garner and Dungey are awesome in this scene -- Garner with her blushing and glancing and discomfort at announcing the reality of her feelings for Vaughn, and Dungey with her mega-watt smiles and general sense of "you go, girl" at every turn. So, Foolio's all, why haven't I met this dude? And does he have a brother? Or preferably a father? I'm into sugar daddies. Syd's all, well, uh, he kinda sorta maybe has a girlfriend. Foolio's all, of course he does. Don't they all? AND THEY NEVER CALL ME WHEN THEY SAY THEY WILL. Syd's all, calm down, Sister Suffragette. It really doesn't matter whether or not he's sticking it to some chippie with a Supercuts hairstyle; the bank has a strict "no nookie with officemates" policy.

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Alias

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