9:06 -- As expected, Wall-E wins Best Animated Feature, making Jack Black's joke even more awkward. The director seems to take timing seriously, and wraps it up quick.
9:08 -- The Best Animated Short Film winner is La Maison en Petits Cubes. I expected the director to be French, but he's Japanese. I have no idea what he's saying, until he says "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto." Is he talking about WALL-E? I don't know and I don't care. C'est magnifique.
9:15 -- SJP comes out with Daniel Craig. Is she trading up? Seriously, are she and Ferris Bueller staying together for the sake of awards season, or what? Drop that chump. Best Art Direction goes to Benjamin Button. Naturally.
9:20 -- Man they're probably saving a ton of time by doubling up all of the categories for each set of presenters -- too bad it's going to those yearbook things. SJP and Craig give Best Costume Design to The Duchess, because anyone who can give Keira Knightley cleavage deserves an award.
9:23 -- Wow, they triple-booked SJP and Craig. They're doing Best Makeup, too! I almost think Hellboy II and Dark Knight have a chance, until I remember Benjamin Button is in this category, as well. Of course, it wins. Curses! I'll get you yet, Benjamin Button!!! He should be a comic book villain.
9:25 -- Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried present the "Most Likely to Hook Up" entry in the 2008 Yearbook, a.k.a. all of the romantic things that happened in any movie last year. It had a romantic scene from The Incredible Hulk, for Pete's sake. Multiple HSM3 clips. You know, for the kids.
9:31 -- Holy crap. Ben Stiller just came out in a Joaquin Phoenix beard, with Natalie Portman. He's doing a Phoenix impersonation. Too soon? When pressed, he randomly says he wants to be a cinematographer, which is the category they're presenting, implying that Phoenix hasn't thought out his career plan very well. Now he's wandering around the stage. This is amazing.
9:35 -- Best Cinematography goes to Slumdog. The guy's middle name is Dod. He sounds like a superman villain.
9:39 - I looked away for a second, and Jessica Biel just came out on stage, said some nice things about technology, and left. What just happened?
OK, Zach's brain has turned to mush, so Mindy's going to take over for a while...