It's Oscar night! The most predictable Oscar night in recent memory! We hope some surprises and upsets occur, and that Jack Donaghy and Gavin Volure are hilarious, but either way, we will be here all night long, liveblogging the events. Zach Oat and Mindy Monez will be switching off writing duties every half hour until the bitter end. Let's go!
8:30 - All the Best Actor and Best Actress nominees are on stage at once, as if we won't see them 6,000 times tonight.
8:32 - Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin look a lot like NPH when they're singing at the same time.
8:33 - A Busby Berkeley tribute? Who directed this? Adam Shankman? Oh, right.
8:37 - Confusing "dame" and "damn" is total dad humor. AND WE LOVE IT!
8:39 - Can't tell if Gabby Sidibe gets The Jerk reference, but she sure looks like she maybe does. And that's why she's nominated for an acting award and her co-star Mariah Carey is not.
8:41 - We know we just said we liked corny dad humor, but this is getting ridiculous. And remind us: why isn't Steve Martin hosting this solo?
8:46 - Supporting actors are great and all, but these are the longest clips we've ever seen in our entire lives. They're like those "entire movie in seven minutes" videos you see on YouTube, multiplied by five.
8:48 - Congratulations, Christoph Waltz! Uber-bingo, indeed. The first missed chance for an upset of probably many tonight!
8:53 - Really dreading nine more of these unnecessary Best Picture clips packages tonight. Anyone who doesn't know what these movies are already shouldn't be watching in the first place.
8:57 - Man, Secret of Kells -- we still don't know how you pulled off that nomination. Bravo.
8:58 - Didn't we just see all of these nominees? Is twice necessary? Especially since Up is obviously winning?
9:01 - Miley Cyrus looks afraid to move her shoulders, or else her dress will fall to the ground. Play it safe, Miley.
9:03 - Once again, we are stunned to see what T-Bone Burnett actually looks like. we keep expecting a ponytail, a five o'clock shadow and a crocodile-skin hat.
9:06 - Steve Martin's Last Station joke aside, this entire telecast should have been tagged with a "spoiler alert" at the beginning. These clips are blowing up endings left and right. Luckily, they're all still worth seeing, being Oscar-nominated films and all.