9:12 - RDJ and Tina Fey win for best presentation of the night. we don't need to see the rest of the telecast to call it. Someone get RDJ on 30 Rock.
9:15 - Hurt Locker takes Best Original Screenplay, and the screenwriter gives a great, quick speech. Yay, writers! Excuse us while we try to find a single page in the Inglourious Basterds screenplay that isn't better than the totality of The Hurt Locker.
9:18 - Seeing present-day Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick together on stage is creating a warp tunnel in our brains. R.I.P. John Hughes.
9:22 - GAAAHHHHH! Multiple warp tunnels! In our brains! But where's James Spader, Michael Schoeffling, Ilan Mitchell-Smith and Alan Ruck? Did Cameron get screwed yet again?
9:34 - People who win these Best Short awards always look so admirably unembarrassed to be boring millions upon millions of people. This and only this is why DVRs were invented.
9:37 - we want to use the bottom of Zoe Saldana's dress as the most dramatic ponytail holder ever.
9:38 - Say what you want about Ben Stiller -- the man commits to a bit. Full Na'vi makeup and made up language award presentation FTW.
9:40 - We want to plug our brains into your dragon too, Ben Stiller. Dirty talk (we think?) is always best when it makes no sense.
9:48 - Really important and RELEVANT question: Rachel McAdams: Better as a blonde or a brunette?
9:49 - Precious beats Up in the Air for Best Adapted screenplay. An upset for sure, but it should have been In the Loop. Now that would've been a fucking great speech.
9:51 - It's OK to act like you didn't know you'd win if you really didn't know. We feel for this guy.
9:52 - We don't know what's more embarrassing: Making Queen Latifah get all dressed up just to introduce this random Lauren Bacall dinner party clip package, or making her acknowledge that Bringing Down the House happened.
9:59 - Congratulations, Mo'Nique. Just because it was expected doesn't mean it wasn't deserved. And remember: she's also winning for being overlooked for her work in Beerfest.
10:00 - For some reason, Colin Firth always sounds like a Dickens character to me. Even his name sounds Dickensian. "What larks, Colin Firth! What larks!"
10:06 - "James Cameron, this Oscar sees you." The latest entry in the list of worst Art Designer acceptance speeches of all time.