11:04 - Finally, the star of Short Circuit, Short Circuit 2 and Hackers has won an Oscar! Unfortunately it was for a documentary about killing dolphins. Still, it counts. Now the entire world knows who's Johnny.11:06 - Snuggie!
11:07 - Best Editing for Hurt Locker. Just sayin'...
11:08 - "Hello, I'm Keanu Reeves, and I was also once in a movie about a bomb." (As well as Bigelow's Point Break, natch).
11:14 - If Quentin Tarantino isn't going to point out that that lampshade backdrop makes it look like they're being attacked by Space Invaders, we're going to.
11:16 - The Secret in Their Eyes takes Best Foreign Language Film! All those of you who picked it at random in your Oscar polls, congratulations.
11:21 - "Hi. I'm Kathy Bates, and I'm also a 3D character designed on a computer by James Cameron."
11:26 - Best Actor. They're doing that "five people present to five people" again, but this time with people who actually have a connection to those people. Good move. Still a time-waster, but at least they didn't do it for the supporting roles.
11:28 - Aww, Tim Robbins is making Morgan Freeman get all glisteny-eyed. Man, they're all getting glisteny-eyed. We guess it's pretty cool to be praised by a friend on national television.
11:32 - The Dude abides, man. He also wins Oscars. Let's see if he thanks his stand-in again!
11:40 - Damn, Forest Whitaker, getting FIT.
11:41 - Yes, Peter Sarsgaard, we know you're a fancy, distinguished STAGE actor.
11:43 - Did these actresses cure cancer or something? Why is this thing taking so long?
11:45 - Gabby Sidibe looking so overwhelmed at Oprah's tribute is making me overwhelmed.
11:48 - Yet another predictable win. At least Sandra Bullock is the most likable woman on the planet to make up for it.
11:50 - Is there any other actress who is more the antithesis of an asshole than Sandy? Good for her. Nice Beyonce infallible lip gloss too.
11:52 - Barbra Streisand just walked on stage and we immediately turned into Daffy Duck.
11:55 - And Kathryn Bigelow actually beat James Cameron. That's cool. The Hurt Locker is a good movie. We don't think we've ever had so few feelings and opinions during an Academy Awards show in our entire lives.