9:03 - Kirk Douglas has officially made "You know..." the funniest two words of the night. Well played, Timberlake.
9:06 - Well, we all saw that coming. You deserve it, Toy Story 3. You were the Best Animated Feature. Proving once again that Oscar voters can't resist a good Holocaust film.
9:13 - Gah! We think we just went blind looking at Brolin and Bardem. Are they going to fight Neo on a truck next?
9:14 - Did Javier Bardem just say "The Shawshank Network" won something? No, it was Aaron Sorkin winning Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network! No surprise, but no hard feelings, either. It had a lot of words. Most of them clever.
9:15 - You go, Sorkin. Demand respect from that guinea pig.
9:17 - And Seidler wins Best Original for The King's Speech. Two well written acceptance speeches in a row? We'll be spoiled for the rest of the night. (Seidler was charming enough for us to momentarily forget that Inception was robbed - no screenplay was more original than Christopher Nolan's.)
9:24 - Anne Hathaway has pipes! Wish she'd used them on a better-written song.
9:25 - Franco in a dress is bringing tonight's comedy level down to Bosom Buddies levels. Sadly, not that far a drop. And a Charlie Sheen joke? We're approaching Ricky Gervais territory, kids.
9:27 - Russell Brand and Helen Mirren -- the best and worst of... anything, really. Especially when Mirren is speaking French, and Brand is making fun of Colin Firth.
9:28 - Those who picked In a Better World as Best Foreign Language Film without having seen any of them, congratulations. Sometimes the Golden Globes know what they're talking about!
9:33 - Ha ha ha, yes, Christian Bale, you have sworn before. Thank you for not doing so here, as you accept your incredibly well deserved Best Supporting Actor award. And love the product placement for DickEklund.com.
9:39 - Some Academy guy is giving ABC a bunch of love. Those of us who are still watching No Ordinary Family beg to differ. (Which reminds us: why the frak are we still watching No Ordinary Family?)
9:40 - And now after an hour of everyone talking about him incessantly, Hugh Jackman actually takes the stage. He and Nicole Kidman are presenting the sound categories. Did you know that we went directly from the Chaplin era to THX? History! And more nerd-pandering with the sounds of Star Wars! (Meanwhile, James Franco has apparently zonked out somewhere backstage.)