10:17 - Auto-tuned Harry Potter and Twilight footage? Looks like getting Daniel Tosh to produce was a good idea.
10:19 - Keep shimmying, Hathaway. Ratings just went up.
10:20 - Sorry, Gyllenhaal -- you're a big enough star for the short subjects, but for the feature-length documentaries? We need Oprah, to make sure people know how important they are. Before they're revealed to be mostly made up.
10:21 - And Inside Job wins! Now you know which one you should see! IGNORE THE OTHERS.
10:27 - Finally, Billy Crystal is here! Now the show can start.
10: 28 - Did Hugh Jackman buy advertising space on this show? Everyone keeps talking about him.
10:30 - And now, for your entertainment, an old, funny Oscar ceremony. Can we watch the whole thing? Please? At least most of us will have no idea who's going to win.
10:31 - So, when Ricky Gervais makes fun of Robert Downey Jr.'s seedy past, it's mean-spirited, but when Jude Law does it as part of a bit, it's bromance?
10:33 - Wow. Another technical win for Inception. Shocker.
10:35 - ...But Best Film Editing goes to The Social Network! These guys are so happy! Go post your congratulations on their Facebook walls!
10:40 - Quick poll: is this show horrible? Or most horrible? Personally, we're leaning towards door number two.
10:41 - Our hosts are back on stage cracking wise about how Winter's Bone sounds dirty. we mean honestly, that just happened. At least Anne Hathaway's cute giggle and hot red dress are distracting us from the void standing directly to her right.
10:41 - Skinny Jennifer Hudson here to introduce our final best song nominee performances. Up first: A.R. Rachman and Florence minus The Machine to sing about 127 Hours. It's really great. Makes us feel like I've been transported away to having a vital limb cut off.
10:43 - Ha ha ha, Jennifer Hudson looked like she was going to throw up announcing Gwyneth Paltrow as country music's newest star. We know we're all supposed to be kind of coming back around on Gwyneth Paltrow these days, and we get that, but this performance is a joke.
10:46 - Randy Newman wins best song. Did you know he never actually won for his Toy Story and Toy Story 2 songs? Even though all three songs are essentially the exact same song? It's true!
10:47 - Oh good, a "whimsical" (keyword: overlong) acceptance speech. Looks like Randy Newman's caught Kirk Douglas fever.