9:57: And... they don't. Wow, one of the biggest film franchises of all time completes its run without a single Oscar to its name.
9:58: Even Crystal realized that Harry Potter deserved some sort of farewell salute. First perceptive, youth-friendly thing he's said all night.
9:59: Melissa Leo arrives to present the Best Supporting Actor award. Christopher Plummer, start preparing your speech now.
10:01: A standing ovation for the oldest actor ever to win an Oscar. Yet Plummer still looks younger than Nick Nolte!
10:02: Bonus fun fact: not only is Plummer the oldest actor to win an Oscar, he's also the only Klingon to win. At least until Michael Dorn gets his own Beginners in twenty years.
10:05: Hands up all of you who are going to see Titanic on the big screen again, even if it is in 3D. We've already got our tickets. You know you can't resist.
10:08: "Here's something we love to do." Yes, but do the audience members that you're harassing love it? We're guessing no.
10:09: These folks are obviously seasoned professionals. That's how they're able to smile and nod through Crystal's nonsense.
10:10: Hey, the president of the Academy! The only person onstage tonight who will be less funny than Billy Crystal. Any chance he'll address the sound problem going on in the auditorium?
10:12: Billy, based on your performance tonight, you are the very last person who should accuse someone else of not being "exciting" enough.
10:13: The buffet gets the biggest applause of the night, so far. Did they remember to get the Funyuns?
10:13: The lovely Penelope Cruz and the just-dandy Owen Wilson introduce us to the Original Score nominees. If The Artist wins, Kim Novak may just bum rush the stage to attack the composer.
10:15: And it does win! No sign of Novak, though. She must not have been able to smuggle her shiv through security.
10:15: Before we forget, "Tintin" is one word not two, Oscar producers! Spellcheck your background images next time.
10:17: Oh Will and Zack. You guys are so... wacky.
10:18: They're here to present Best Original Song a.k.a. Let's Give an Award to The Muppets. Rio we hardly knew ye.
10:19: To no one's surprise, Bret McKenzie wins! Fun fact: he's the first Elf-in-Waiting to nab an Oscar.