8:50: Anyway, onto the awards. Best Supporting Actor is up first. We said De Niro (wishing for Hoffman). Oscar says...
8:51: Christoph Waltz! Whoa -- that's the sound of everyone's Oscar ballots being flushed down the toilet.
8:52: At least the old-timers like De Niro, Arkin and Jones can all get to Dennys in time for the senior dinner discount now.
8:53: So Waltz is batting 2 for 2 with Tarantino. Meanwhile, Q's other muse Sam Jackson is still winless. Something is kinda wrong with this picture.
8:57: Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy are up for what seems to be the Judd Apatow-sponsored award for Animated Short Film.
8:59: We said Paperman... and we were right! That puts us back in the game after the Waltz miss.
9:00: They're sticking around for Animated Feature, which goes to... Brave, just like we thought.
9:01: Wreck-It Ralph was our preferred choice, but at least Pixar finally remembered that Brenda Chapman made Brave too.
9:05: Is Seth gonna go with the "Watcha talkin' about Wallis" gag?
9:06: Nope, a "Clooney is a serial dater" gag instead. Although it is worth noting that the WWE chick has lasted far longer than most of his arm candy. She must know a special move or two.
9:07: Somehow the Avengers seem less super out of costume, no?
9:08: Apparently, the Mighty Thor wasn't able to catch the last train out of Asgard.
9:08: Cinematography up now. Roger Deakins deserves to win and... doesn't. Goes to Life of Pi instead. Not a terrible choice, but it's sad to think that Deakins has become the cinematographic version of Randy Newman. And at least that guy finally won an Oscar.
9:10: Making the most of the Avengers actors (whose souls they own ever since Disney bought Marvel), ABC keeps them onstage to introduce Visual Effects.
9:11: Life of Pi gets another tech award and the accepters get chased offstage by the Jaws theme. Because that's respectful.
9:12: Especially unfortunate that he was cut off when he was talking about the significant problems confronting visual effects houses in the current Hollywood climate. Must not allow real news to puncture the Oscar bubble!
9:15: They really just need to start running the SNL versions of those Chanel ads on actual network TV. It's impossible to watch Brad Pitt without thinking of Taran Killam, which is the first time anyone has ever said that.