9:16: Wow, they still let Jennifer Aniston attend awards shows? Careful, Channing! Her boring beige-ness will infect you for all time.
9:18: It's probably been said before, but Les Miz deserves the award for Most Costumes.
9:18: Hey, somebody saw Anna Karenina this year! Somewhere Joe Wright is whip-panning a camera in delight.
9:22: Makeup and Hairstyling is up... and it's time for a Les Miz victory at last. Poor Bilbo... his hair was too fashion-forward for Middle Earth, clearly.
9:22: Hey, a bulimia joke! And just when we were starting to like you, Seth.
9:23: Still marveling at the way Halle is pulling off what should be the ugliest dress of the night. Give the Karenina Oscar to her just for that.
9:23: A James Bond medley! Awww, remember when Pierce Brosnan was 007? Neither does he.
9:25: And it's all leading up to this... a performance of the only Bond title song anyone remembers! At least until Adele came along.
9:28: Yeah... there's no way the show is ending on time tonight. Thanks, Smash guys.
9:33: Django and Broomhilda get to hand the Live Action Short Film Oscar to a white filmmaker. Racial progress!
9:34: Specifically they hand it to Curfew which was the only English language nominee amongst the short films and also one of the worst. Starting the chant right here... Death of a Shadow wuz robbed!
9:36: Documentary Short Subject up next. We only got to see Inocente, so we have no dog in this hunt.
9:36: And Inocente wins! Phew... glad we didn't waste our time with all the others in that case.
9:37: See, Oscars? These filmmakers would actually have time to deliver their speeches if you didn't let Captain Kirk and MacFarlane talk to each other for an hour beforehand.
9:39: Liam Neeson glowers his way through a presentation for three Best Picture nominees, including the movie he almost starred in, Lincoln. Quite a comedown from Bill Clinton, eh Spielberg?
9:42: Seth MacFarlane just Wikipedia'd that Raymond Massey trivia two seconds ago backstage. That's also how he learned who Napoleon Bonaparte was.
9:44: Ben Affleck gets to introduce Documentary Feature. Because everyone agrees that what makes Argo so great is its commitment to authenticity.
9:45: Searching for Sugar Man wins, allowing mediocrity to triumph in the Documentary category yet again.