11:38: The awards are coming fast and furious now. Sad to think about all the musical numbers that were probably scrapped at the last minute. Actually, no it's not.
11:41: Jean Dujardin brings his considerable French charm on stage with him to present the Best Actress Oscar. We're still predicting an Emmanuelle Riva upset over frontrunner J-Law...
11:44: Nope, youth ends up trumping age. Now the next three Hunger Games movies can trumpet the fact that they star an Oscar winner, which will make up for the fact that they're being directed by the guy who made Constantine.
11:46: Meryl Streep resists the urge to deck Lawrence for her Golden Globe "joke" and instead gets down to the business of naming the Best Actor of the year. If it's not Day-Lewis, we're retiring from the prediction game.
11:49: Last chance for The Master to win something!
11:49: Well, guess nobody has to see Flight now since they just totally spoiled the ending with that Oscar clip.
11:49: We'll live to predict another year. Day-Lewis makes Oscar history by becoming the first actor to win three Best Actor statues. That's more impressive than holding America together during the Civil War, right?
11:51: Day-Lewis as Thatcher? There's your high-concept hook for The Iron Lady 2.
11:54: Only Michelle Obama could upstage Jack Nicholson, even via satellite.
11:56: Best Picture time. Argo?
11:57: Yup, Argo. Well, that wasn't anti-climactic at all.
11:58: But don't tune out just yet! There's yet another musical number on the way. Wait... where's everyone going?
11:58: Also, Ben Affleck still has to talk. He's been saving this speech up since October.
12:00: ...And because of that, you'd think he'd have practiced it a bit more. But hey, awkwardness is part of his charm. That's what we tell ourselves anyway.
12:03: Seth, Seth, Seth... you realize you're just confirming poor Kristin Chenoweth's status as a show-killer by making her perform onstage with you over the closing credits when everyone has already tuned out, right?
12:04: Nice of the telecast director to keep the cameras locked on the stage so that the viewing public doesn't see Seth and Kristin singing to an empty auditorium.
12:06: And that's a wrap! Final report: too much singing, too few awards for The Master, some big surprises (Waltz and Lee), a flailing host and absolutely no "Argo [bleep] yourself" jokes. Go to bed everyone.