As I finished up last week's recap, I was afraid I'd gone soft. I was afraid that because I'm so in love with this show, and this season -- because this is this show's last season -- I'd never again assign it a grade lower than an A+. Whew! Glad that's no longer a problem. "Across The Sea" isn't much ado about nothing, but it is little ado about little, and so this recaplet will follow suit.
A pregnant woman in a red gown (i.e. a very long red shirt) is shipwrecked and washes up on the shore of Craphole Island. She travels inland to the creek and, while she's drinking, she meets up with CJ Fricking Cregg. CJ brings her back to her
rape cave. Although we never learn CJ's name, we do learn the pregnant woman's name: Claudia. Claudia gives birth to a son, and names him Jacob. CJ obviously wants to take the baby, but is interrupted when Claudia gives birth to another son. She doesn't get the chance to name him, on account of the fact that CJ Fricking Cregg bashes Claudia in the head with a rock and kills her. Maternal mortality sure was a bitch back in the day -- like this episode. We never do learn "Esau"/The Man-In-Black's name. There are all sorts of supernatural genre reasons why that's awesome, but there are more long-suffering-Lost-fan reasons why that sucks.
The babies grow and grow, as babies do. Adolescent Jacob is played by Kenton Duty (a.k.a. "Boy" in earlier recaps from this season). Adolescent "Esau" is played by Ryan Hanson Bradford, who (in this episode), is more a looker than an actor. CJ keeps a tight rein on her boys. They're even afraid to let her know they're playing a game (Backgammon) that "Esau" found on the beach.
One day, the boys run across other men on the island. When they tell "Mom" about it, she says that men "come, fight, destroy, corrupt; it always ends the same," and the boys should totally stay away from them. This is what I shall tell my daughter. At some point in there, CJ shows them a magical passage from which emanates a beautiful golden light. Every man has a bit of this beautiful light in him, but they always want more, and that's a bad thing, because... something. Men cannot take the light, but they can try, and if they try they can put it out. If the light goes out on the island, it goes out everywhere. Isn't everything much clearer, now? CJ has protected this place, but can't do so forever. One of the boys will have to take over for her.
Soon thereafter, the ghost of Claudia appears while Jacob and "Esau" are playing Backgammon. But only "Esau" can see her, because he's "special." He follows her to a camp where her people are -- the men CJ said were bad -- the people who were on Claudia's ship. Once "Esau" understands that the island isn't all there is to the world, he wants to return from whence he came. "Esau" tries to get Jacob to leave with him and join the proto-Others, but Jacob is pure, good, and short-bus stupid. CJ tells "Esau" he'll never be able to leave the island, but "Esau" says that's bull, and he'll prove it one day. And somewhere in there, CJ reveals she's given the boys the gift of immortality. Also, she reveals they'll never be able to hurt one another.
When "Esau" grows into Titus Welliver, he and his "people" start building the magic donkey wheel. This displeases CJ, so she bashes "Esau's" head against the cave wall, but he doesn't die, because she made him immortal. When he wakes, his whole village has been burnt down and everyone's dead. Soon thereafter, "Esau" kills his mother, like you do, which leads to a fight between him and Mark Pellegrino's Jacob. Jacob thrashes the shit out of "Esau" and sends him down the river into the beautiful golden light. "Esau" emerges as Smokey. Jacob finds his human corpse, brings it back to his "mother's"
rape cave and lays them side by side. He tucks the white and black stones from the Backgammon set in with his dead family, for good measure. CJ and "Esau" are Adam and Eve. Expect me to call all sorts of shenanigans in the recap.
This all leads to a flashback-forward-back. Remember, yonks ago, when Charlie stepped on a beehive? Locke told him to stay still; Charlie failed; the bees went bonkers -- all in order to get Jack and Kate to rip off their shirts? Remember how they then found the Adam and Eve skeletons? Well, the writers think we're taking a bus even shorter than Jacob's, so they show us the whole thing again, just in case we didn't get that CJ and "Esau" are our Adam and Eve.
And? That's pretty much it. Somewhere in there -- somewhere before her death -- CJ gives Jacob a drink, and by doing so, she establishes him as Island Protector -- at least until his replacement arrives. I'm sure there are other things too -- other things which (at the moment) interest me far less than a good night's sleep. The whole episode left me feeling like there was no episode this week. I'll think on it long and hard before the recap, but right now, my reaction is a decided Meh.
I'm starting the full recap, now. Until then, please grade the episode in the "Episode Report Card" at the top of the page, and then join us in the forums, where we'd never leave corpses lying around to rot in our rape caves.
Watch a video recap of this episode of Lost.
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Welcome to a very "special" episode of Lost -- special as in Special Education. You probably don't require it, but for those of you who are slow, like Jacob (and me), I'll sum up the moral first. As the episode progresses, follow along closely and see if you too can pick it out of the story. You ready? Okay.
Moral: There's this tantalizing glow. Its name and origin are both a big question mark, so I'll call it XX. Now there's some of this inside of man (let's call man XY), but once man is exposed to the glowing, warm, wet passageway leading to the XX source, he loses all restraint. Armed with only his tiny but mighty X, he tries to take the glowing, warm, wet XX and... I'd tell you more, but this is no XXX website. The point is -- the good, pure man must stay away from the glowing, warm, wet XX, for to do otherwise would be a fate worse than death! Who will protect the good, pure man and his tiny but mighty X from the glowing, warm, wet XX? Why, Mother -- of course. Merda, Show. Your five and a half years of Daddy Issues appear but a molehill when viewed alongside Mount Mommy Issues for a mere 42 minutes. I don't know whether to congratulate you for coming to terms with your misogyny; curse you for reminding me how inadequate I've found your treatment of our female characters; or just burn my bra and be done with it, but I'm going bra so I can get on with the recap.
Once Upon A Time: A beautiful brunette woman (Lela Loren) is shipwrecked, and washes up on the sandy shores of A Mysterious Island. Her soaking wet long red gown (or as I like to think of it -- red shirt extreme) clings to her heavily pregnant form, even as it signals to us that she is not long for this world. The woman struggles inland until she finds a stream of potable water. As she sates her thirst she is startled to spot a reflection in the water. She screams when she looks up to find CJ Fricking Cregg (Allison Janney) looking, rough, tough, surly and downright scary (although to be fair, that homespun she's wearing looks itchy as Hell). The women converse in Latin because Esperanto doesn't exist yet. CJ offers a helping hand. Young Mother reluctantly accepts.