Alias

All The Time In The World (2) - Previously on Alias: Syd fell down a crevasse and go boom. We begin this second half of the Alias series finale with a flashback to Sydney's childhood. There will be several of these flashbacks peppered throughout this episode, so...

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TV Series Finales: How to Do Them Right

TV Series Finales: How to Do Them Right

With Lost and 24 winding down, we've got some guidance from past shows on how to make a great series ender.

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

5-17
Recap

This is the end. My foolish friends, the end.

All The Time In The World (2) - Sloane shoots Jack,and Sydney shoots Sloane, but he's already discovered eternal life, so that doesn't really have much effect on him. Irina's behind the whole kit and caboodle,and this entire series wraps up with us thinking that five years and trillions of Rambaldi references have lead to nothing more than immortality and a bitchy power-hungry mother. It all ends reasonably well with Jack sacrificing himself to remove Sloane from humanity and the new Spy Family retiring to a little cottage on the beach. And everyone lives happily ever after.

05.21.2006 B-

Erin

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

5-16
Recap

One down, one to go

Reprisal (1) - In Part One of this series finale two-parter, we follow Sloane's actions as he kidnaps Marshall and Rachel, travels to an ice chamber below Mount Subasio, and discovers just what Rambaldi meant by "sky" in his prophecy. In case you were wondering, it has nothing to do with that stuff up above your head with fluffy clouds rolling around in it. Oh, and Sydney falls down a crevasse and is dead. Yeah, because you haven't SEEN the next episode.

05.21.2006
05.27.2006
B-

Erin

5-15
Recap

A rose by any other name, would look like a creepy old guy.

No Hard Feelings - Syd pretends to be Anna pretending to be Syd and heads off for some prison that used to be a monastery in an effort to retrieve something called The Rose. All she winds up doing is getting an amulet that Sloane quickly steals. It's all leading to Rambaldi's Greatest Mystery™ that may or may not lead to the end of the world.

05.16.2006
05.21.2006
B-

Erin

5-14
Recap

A chip off the old ɬČlodie

I See Dead People - A microchip with Vaughn's name etched onto it is discovered in dead ɬČlodie's body, forcing Syd and Jack to contact Vaughn in the distant reaches of Nepalbhutansomeplacewithyaks. SydAnna gets there first, however, and digs a matching chip out of Vaughn's naked chest, leading them to a bunker in Germany. It all ends with SydAnna's death and the reappearance of Hot!Sark! So...all's well that ends well?

05.09.2006
05.15.2006
A

Erin

5-13
Recap

Daddies with glass tables shouldn't throw daughters.

30 Seconds - Sloane resurrects Nadia with a Rambaldi cure, only to accidentally kill her a day or so later when she comes between him and his precious Rambaldi. Élodie's dead too, courtesy of SydAnna, who is one cold-hearted bitch of a killer. Rambaldi's endgame seems to be moving closer, as Sloane joins forces with Prophet Five and finally embraces his inner evil.

05.02.2006
05.07.2006
A

Erin

5-12
Recap

Two Sydneys for the price of one.

There's Only One Sydney Bristow - In the bargain basement deal of the century, Peyton recruits Anna into Prophet Five--and gets another Sydney in the process! Thaaaat's right: Anna gets cloned into Sydney. And Will? Well, Will shows up just long enough to make us remember how much we miss him.

04.25.2006
05.01.2006
B+

Erin

5-12
none

Two Sydneys for the price of one.

There’s Only One Sydney Bristow - In the bargain basement deal of the century, Peyton recruits Anna into Prophet Five--and gets another Sydney in the process! Thaaaat's right: Anna gets cloned into Sydney. And Will? Well, Will shows up just long enough to make us remember how much we miss him.

04.25.2006
05.01.2006
B+

Erin

5-11
Recap

Happy Mother's Day, bitch.

Maternal Instinct - Irina shows up, tells Syd that she never wanted to be a mother in the first place and...kind of hates being one, delivers Syd's baby, and then skedaddles out of town with The Horizon firmly in her possession. No Mother's Day card for her! She also says that she gave the order to have Vaughn shot, but since he's alive and well and living in Bhutan, it doesn't really matter.

04.18.2006
04.24.2006
B-

Erin

5-10
Recap

"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S.!"

S.O.S. - Sing it, Abba! Sing louder -- Syd can't hear you because she's trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and there's something wrong with the Spy Fetus. Hey, maybe if you sing "Dancing Queen," we won't notice the boring B-story with Getty and some guy he's looking for called "The Cardinal." But sing the extended disco version, because the less we hear of "The Cardinal" the better.

04.18.2006
04.23.2006
B

Erin

5-9
Recap

Electric (Stick of Honesty) Dreams

The Horizon - Syd's kidnapped and drugged and zapped periodically with an electric shock stick, all so that she'll remember some name that is the location of something called "The Horizon." What this is, we don't find out. But we do discover that Prophet Five has possibly nefarious plans for the Spy Fetus, and that Syd is in the middle of an ocean with no land anywhere in sight. Oh, and Irina Derevko's behind it all. That's important, right?

12.13.2005
12.18.2005
A

Erin

5-8
Recap

Rachel went to São Paulo and all we got was this lousy episode.

Bob - Oh, okay, so it wasn't actually lousy. But it wasn't all that noteworthy either. Rachel goes on assignment in São Paulo and winds up doing the deed with none other than Julian Sark. It's kind of hot. Jack goes to intercept the sale of a micropulse bomb and gets kidnapped. That's not hot at all.

12.06.2005
12.12.2005
C+

Erin

5-7
Recap

Sloane apparently likes the triple cross.

Fait Accompli - Sloane goes to Jack and exposes his agreement with Gordo and declares that he's going to help the Apple Store catch him. During the capture, however, it's discovered that the organization Gordo is working for is actually made up of twelve government agencies. Sloane gets roped back into working for the same organization he's just extricated himself from, only to save his daughter. Oh, and Jack and Syd build a crib. Hilarity ensues.

11.16.2005
11.21.2005
B-

Erin

5-6
Recap

Dude Looks Like A Lady -- A Ho-Type Lady

Solo - Rachel has to go on her first solo mission and of course this involves her dressing up as a hooker because there are only two types of women spies: the ass-kickers and the hos. Syd spends most of the episode sadly touching her belly, and this moderately entertaining filler ep draws to a close without any follow-up on Daddy-in-the-Box.

11.09.2005
11.15.2005
B-

Erin

5-5
Recap

Who's yer daddy? ...No, really. Who's your daddy?

Out Of The Box - Élodie has her daddy in a box, and she's trying to bring him back to life. Too bad that he's not really her daddy, but some weird doctor named Desantis who has had his brain implanted into her daddy's body. What Desantis has to do with Prophet Five and/or the death of Vaughn remains to be seen. In other evil news, Sloane gets reinstated at the Apple Store, and Jack not only allows it, but accepts it wholeheartedly. Yeah, Jack's up to no good. Thank GOD.

10.26.2005
10.31.2005
B-

Erin

5-4
Recap

Boobs McPhee: Wonder Whiner

Mockingbird - In order to take down Gordo Dean, the Appleseed Gang has to get into his Cayman Islands bank account and remove all his funds. This means Boobs McPhee and Syd go back to Prague to get a hard drive while Boobs whines a lot. It all leads a mid-air rescue involving Syd and a strategically placed suction cup. I know. My brain hurts just thinking about it.

10.19.2005
10.25.2005
B-

Erin

5-3
Recap

"The Shed"? It's more like The Shit. And not in the good way.

The Shed - A substance gets stolen from Istanbul, and Getty and Syd and Marshall have to go to Prague to get it. Along the way, they pick up the Sydney substitute, Boobs McPhee, and the audience spends the entire hour looking for any remaining plotlines from the previous two episodes, without much success.

10.12.2005
10.18.2005
F

Erin

5-2
Recap

No. The title really does mean nothing.

…1… - Unless you think it means "1 more episode of this shit is all I'll watch." Syd and the Appleseed Gang nab the guy who shot Vaughn, only to let him go and get on a plane that they have to access via stealth bomber. It's so stupid, I can't even talk about it. All you need to know is there's some dead guy in a (fake) niridium-powered chamber and Élodie has him in her custody.

10.05.2005
10.10.2005
D+

Erin

5-1
Recap

"André"? Seriously? That's the best you could do?

Prophet Five - Vaughn's real name is André Michaux, and he's been going rogue for the past few years in search of the truth behind something called "Prophet Five." The government thinks he's a double agent, Syd thinks he's nuts, Vaughn thinks "Clementine" is a stupid name for their baby, and Jack thinks he'd better visit his Hidden Bunker of Vendettas, because Syd's gonna get revenge on the guys who killed her honey and she's gonna need ammo right quick.

09.28.2005
10.03.2005
C-

Erin

4-22
Recap

Whaddya mean his name ISN'T MICHAEL VAUGHN?

Before The Flood - The Spy Family drops into Sevogda in order to save the world, and they do just that. Relatively quickly, they dismantle Clifford, and the only downside is that Nadia is totally infected with the Red-Eyed Menace disease. The last three minutes of the episode totally rock our world as Vaughn announces that his name isn't, in fact, Michael Vaughn and BAM! The rest of his revelation is saved until next season after a CAR CRASHES INTO HIM AND SYD. Someone might need to hold me. And my vodka.

05.24.2005
05.31.2005
B+

Erin

4-21
Recap

The bitch is back.

Search And Rescue - And when I say "bitch," I mean that in the nicest way possible. Especially since the bitch in question is Irina Derevko. She's alive, and Syd and Nadia rescue her because she's the only person who can dismantle the big red ball that is now hovering over and infecting an innocent Russian city with its poison. Because there's not enough going on in the world at the moment, Vaughn asks Syd to marry him. The jury's still out on whether or not she says yes.

05.17.2005
05.24.2005
A

Erin

4-20
Recap

She's alive! ALIIIIIVE!

The Descent - Elena steals all the cool-ass Rambaldi stuff and is now in the position to bring about a destructive endgame. The only person who can help stop her had a bullet put into her head, courtesy of one Jack Bristow. Good thing Dix happened to see that very same person being escorted in shackles to some van in Prague. Spy Mommy is officially alive, y'all! Oh, and Sloane's helping Elena out, so that's not so good.

05.17.2005
05.22.2005
A

Erin

4-19
Recap

The (Creepy Little) Orchid Thief

In Dreams… - Sloane Clone steals a Rambaldi orchid that's supposed to make people (and bees) more peaceful and easy to control. In order to get the orchid before it can be swirled into the world's water supply, the Appleseed Gang has to shove some painful Sloane memories into the Slone Clone in order to wake his ass up and remember who the hell he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get to the Lena Olin episode, okay?

05.10.2005
05.16.2005
B-

Erin

4-18
Recap

Papa, can you hear me? No, seriously. PAPA?

Mirage - Jack's gone gaga, and he's been self-medicating as well. He's hallucinating all sorts of things, including a nice cushy doctor's office and his former wife, Laura. Syd has to pretend to be her mother in order to get the location of the real doctor out of her dad. It's ooky and sweet, all at the same time. The B-story involves Elena and her henchman and the Hydrosec, but I lost interest in that plot halfway through, so I'm sure you did too.

05.03.2005
05.08.2005
A

Erin

4-17
Recap

A cup of No-Doz and an espresso IV, STAT!

A Clean Conscience - That's what it took me to stay awake through this damn episode. Everyone's good, the actors are talented, the sets are cool, and I STILL couldn't maintain an interest in anything that anyone said. What happens? Jack's getting sicker, Sonia Braga is really the third Derevko sister, and Dixon goes on a plane in search of a water toxinzzzzzzz. Huh? Is it morning yet?

04.26.2005
05.02.2005
D+

Erin

4-16
Recap

Say goodbye to reality, Uncle Arvin.

Another Mister Sloane - Looks like Uncle Arvin's been returning to the Batshit Buffet one too many times, y'all. The Sloane Clone kidnaps a scientist and forces her to…do something to Clifford the Big Red Ball. This situation somehow forces Sloane to reacquaint himself with his old buddy Rambaldi, and the Ooogedy-Boogedy Olympics begin anew.

04.19.2005
04.25.2005
A+

Erin

4-15
Recap

Did we really need another Mr. Sloane?

Pandora - It would appear that we did. And he's played by Jennifer Grey's daddy, Joel. He's up to no good, obviously, and it would appear that it's quite possible that he's the one who put the hit out on Syd's head. Or, you know, it could be the other Mr. Sloane. Or, like, someone else entirely. It's not reaaaaal clear to me right now. What is clear is that Bill Vaughn is finally and completely dead. So now maybe Vaughn can stop whining about his not-so-dead-daddy-who's-now-really-dead-we-swear and get some damn closure already.

04.12.2005
04.17.2005
A

Erin

4-14
Recap

A Nightingale Sang In Siberia Square

Nightingale - And it sang a sweet little tune we like to call "Dance of the Melty-Faced Man." Ew. There's this coil-type-thing called "Nightingale" that alters people's DNA and makes them melt. The guy who runs it might know something about Vaughn's dad, so he and Syd go after it. Other people who might know something about Vaughn's dad are Jack and Sloane, only they're not talking. Because they're naughty.

04.05.2005
04.09.2005
A

Erin

4-13
Recap

It's Always Been My Least Favorite Day of the Week

Tuesday - And this episode, it's Sydney's, too. A mission in Cuba goes awry, getting Syd captured and buried alive with a guy who's not quite as alive, and trapping everyone else -- with the sole exception of Family Man Marshall -- in the Apple Store, unable to save her. Marshall to the rescue! Also, Jack learns a very special lesson about sporks.

03.29.2005
04.03.2005
A

Sara M

4-12
Recap

La Mujer Nadia

The Orphan - It's time to visit Nadia's sketchy past and learn how she got so good with the spy stuff. We also learn that Nadia had a habit of sleeping with her bosses, so Sloane better watch out. I know. Before you can say it: EW. Elsewhere at the Apple Store, Vaughn deciphers something about his dad and comes up with an address in Lisbon that leads to Sonia Braga. Man. What is IN that damn journal, anyway?

03.22.2005
03.27.2005
C

Erin

4-11
Recap

Whirligig of Death and Destruction

The Road Home - That's WODAD to you. I…really don't know what to say about this episode, except that it involves a biometric targeting device that gets planted on a teeny-weeny assault helicopter that chases Sydney around a warehouse for about five minutes. Yeah, sure, Jack kills a guy with a piano wire, but…THERE'S A MINI-COPTER ON A KILLING SPREE. Need I say more? I see that I needn't.

03.15.2005
03.20.2005
D+

Erin

4-10
Recap

Two Spy Daddies Are Better Than One

The Index - The Blackwell Index gets stolen. Syd has to dress up like reject from the eighties in order to steal its decoder disk. Vaughn discovers that his daddy didn't die when he thought he did and could, potentially, still be alive. Dix thinks Sloane is still eeeeevil. But he's not eeeeevil, he's just partnered up with Jack for some reason or other. Okay, yeah, he could still be eeeeevil. Which means Jack could be eeeeevil too. I don't want to think about that.

03.08.2005
03.12.2005
A

Erin

4-9
Recap

And that word is, "Buh-bye."

A Man Of His Word - Nadia's in a coma. Then she's not. Sloane wants Anna dead. Then she gets caught. The writers keep mistaking Sark for Hannibal Lecter. Then they keep hitting the hash pipe and forget dialogue from ONE WEEK AGO. I'm not sure what the purpose of this episode was, but it had David Anders in it for more than ten minutes, so I guess I don't really care what the purpose was supposed to be.

03.01.2005
03.06.2005
C+

Erin

4-8
Recap

Sark. Do I even need to say anything else?

Echoes - That's right. Sark. He's back. But it's only for, like, ten minutes and he gets beaten all to hell and then acts like he's channeling Anthony Hopkins or something, so it's really not the triumphant return we were hoping for. But…David Anders. Sigh. Anna Espinosa's back too, and she and Syd exchange blows. There's some issue with a neurotoxin or something, and some guy's finger gets cut off, but all you really need to know is that at the end of this episode, Nadia gets shot. Yeah. Shocker, huh? Except, you know, not.

02.22.2005
02.27.2005
A

Erin

4-7
Recap

Stow it, Sydney

Détente - Syd's still carrying around pounds and pounds of baggage marked "Sloane killed everyone I love and now I work for the bastard, please remit to sender." She really needs to send that shit into a personal storage unit, like, pronto. Elsewhere in the episode, some Russian steals some stuff that makes things explode, and Syd and Nadia have to dress up like high-class hookers in order to get it back. Yes, it makes about that much sense.

02.15.2005
02.20.2005
C-

Erin

4-6
Recap

The Vampire LeSyd

Nocturne - Syd gets bitten on the neck by a delusional narcotics agent and winds up getting infected with the same drug that was making him delusional in the first place. She goes all whack-ass crazy and sees spiders and hallucinations and somehow Goths and a guy with the codename "The Count" play an important role. As does Marilyn Manson. Is he still alive? And if so, is he still wearing women's underwear? Because that's just not right.

02.08.2005
02.12.2005
A

Erin

4-5
Recap

Young (Fake) Americans

Welcome To Liberty Village - Syd and Vaughn infiltrate a Russian training ground whose purpose seems to be turning out terrorists who have excellent American accents. They have to pretend to be married. And that's it. No, that's really it. There's nothing more to it.

01.25.2005
01.29.2005
C-

Erin

4-4
Recap

The Ice 5 Man Cometh

Ice - A bad Irish man has a bioweapon that can freeze people from the inside out, and it's up to the Appleseed gang to keep it out of the open market. Meanwhile, Nadia discovers a picture of her mother holding a baby that no one seems to be able to identify. For some reason, this is ominous and makes audience members around the world fear for the return of Moronen as another errant Derevko child. That happens? I am OUTTA here.

01.18.2005
01.22.2005
A

Erin

4-3
Recap

If by "awful" you mean "awfully convenient for Jack."

The Awful Truth - What happens when you take Syd, Marshall, Dixon, and Vaughn to the Bahamas and let them loose in a bank? About seven different accents and one terrifying Rasta wig, that's what happens. In other news, some sleazy British guy steals this, like, really important computer and Syd has to go get it. Then Jack tells Nadia that the sleazy British guy is the one who killed her mother, so Nadia pumps him full of lead. Yeah. That's not gonna come back to haunt him or anything.

01.11.2005
01.15.2005
C+

Erin

4-1
Recap

Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?

Authorized Personnel Only, Part I - Syd quits the CIA. But then she doesn't. Then Vaughn, Dixon, Jack and Marshall all do the same thing. They're all part of a new black ops division that's headed up by…Arvin Sloane. There are missions and fights and sex galore, but the first half of this two-hour episode ends on a bummer: Jack killed Irina. Couldn't they just get divorced like normal people?

01.04.2005
01.09.2005
C+

Erin

4-2
Recap

Double Your Premiere, Double Your Fun

Authorized Personnel Only, Part II - If by "fun" you mean "commercials." Seriously. I think there were more commercials in this second half than there was show footage. But whatever. Syd and crew go after Rick Yune and, in the process, we learn that yes, Jack did kill Irina, but mostly cuz Irina had put out a hit on her own daughter and Rick Yune was supposed to be her assassin. Man. That family is effed up.

01.04.2005
01.09.2005
C

Erin

3-22
Recap

Ding-Dong, The Moronen's Dead!

Resurrection - Yeah. I'll believe it when I see it in January. So, yeah, Vaughn shoots Moronen after she tells Syd all sorts of half-truths about her past. She may or may not be dead. And Syd heads to Wittenburg to discover that her entire life has actually been a CIA-sanctioned version of The Truman Show. And it's all Spy Daddy's fault. Nice.

05.22.2004
05.29.2004
B-

Erin

3-21
Recap

Can I get mustard with that?

Legacy - There are so many holes in the plot of this episode that you almost want to slice it up and serve it with ham on rye and a side of slaw. Vaughn's pissed. And he's not gonna take it anymore. And Syd's about thirty seconds away from telling him to take a Valium and call her in the morning. Also? Nadia gets rescued from Sloane's clutches, and Sark and Moronen escape to see another day.

05.01.2004
05.06.2004
C-

Erin

3-20
Recap

Swing Out, Sister

Blood Ties - Syd finds her little sister, and she turns out to be just as bad-ass as Syd. Their reunion is short-lived, however, because Sloane just wants to take Spy Skipper off to a remote corner of the planet and make her channel Rambaldi. God. He couldn't just GROUND her or something?

04.24.2004
05.01.2004
C+

Erin

3-19
Recap

Sloane's Dead! Long Live Sloane!

Hourglass - Sloane dies. Sort of. Everyone gets closer to The Passenger. Kind of. Moronen gets caught. Almost. And this episode kicked ass. There's no "maybe" about it.

04.17.2004
04.23.2004
A+

Erin

3-18
Recap

Pssst. Lauren's evil. Pass it on.

Unveiled - Vaughn FINALLY clues in to the fact that his wife is a lying, cheating, murderous bitch. Okay, so he just finds her Wig of Wickedness in a suitcase. Same thing. Oh, and the only news we get on The Passenger is that it's not an "it," it's a woman. Ooooh. Scary.

04.10.2004
04.16.2004
B-

Erin

3-17
Recap

The Frame

The Frame - Vaughn and Lauren break up, but then her mom kills her dad, so they get back together. Yeah.

03.27.2004
03.31.2004
C+

Kim

3-16
Recap

Taken

Taken - Dixon's kids get kidnapped by Sark and the Covenant.

03.20.2004
03.24.2004
B-

Kim

3-15
Recap

Oh, if only this actually WERE The Office.

Façade - ...we'd be laughing a lot more and yawning a lot less. Ricky Gervais guest stars as a genius-type bomb-maker with a vendetta against the Covenant and the person who killed his brother. Too bad that person is Syd. Vaughn sports a pair of glasses that make librarians everywhere swoon, and Sark is taken into custody again, some more, but not before he helps dismantle a bomb. And Sloane and Dr. Nancy engage in some middle-aged sex which forces the majority of the audience to poke their eyes out with rusty nails.

03.13.2004
03.19.2004
C+

Erin

3-14
Recap

Blowback? Blow me.

Blowback - I'm sorry. If you title an episode "Blowback," you're just begging for a headline like that. Syd and Vaughn chase down a bomb, with Sark and Lauren following closely behind. Sloane and Dr. Nancy's lack of cleavage share a glass of wine and a secret: Sloane is Sydney's real father. And, because nothing says "cutting edge" like "repetition," we get to watch the entire first half of the show over again when it's rewound and told from Lauren and Sark's POVs. I'm all for recycling, but this is ridiculous.

03.06.2004
03.11.2004
C

Erin

3-13
Recap

Did I mention the ass?

After Six - Because the ass I smelled in the last episode is present and accounted for in this one. Lauren's a bad guy. And Sark digs that about her. And they team up to take over the Covenant. And Syd and Vaughn have a problem working together because they keep wanting to make out. And they go to a chalet in Switzerland for no good reason. And Sloane's shooting up some green goo that is never even explained. And this crap better improve when the next episode airs three weeks from now or I'm going on strike.

02.14.2004
02.19.2004
F

Erin

3-12
Recap

Sniff sniff. Do you smell ass?

Crossings - Because I certainly smell ass. And it's coming from the direction of this episode. I'm sorry, but it's true. What happens during the show, you ask? Well, there's a trip to North Korea, Lauren's still eeeeeevil, Vaughn nearly tells Syd he loves her, Isabella Rossellini kicks ass and digs around in Jack's liver, and I'm not sure if anything else happened past this point because I really zzzzzzzzzz.

01.17.2004
01.20.2004
F

Erin

3-11
Recap

Thank you for flying Exposition Airlines

Full Disclosure - There are exits at either end of the plane. Unfortunately, they're all locked, and you're trapped here for the better part of an hour, listening to Kendall tell Sydney about how she really was Julia Thorne during the Lost Years, and that the Covenant harvested some of Syd's eggs in order to plug them full of Rambaldi DNA so we could all rejoice at the second coming of a man who invented a bunch of machines that don't really do much at all. Welcome aboard. Coffee? Tea? Shotgun? Poison darts? An escape pod? Fasten your seatbelts for takeoff, dudes. It's a long ride.

01.10.2004
01.15.2004
C+

Erin

3-10
Recap

You Give Me Fever

Remnants - Well, Will certainly gave Syd sumpin', but it sure as hell is hotter than a fever. In fact, it involved something resembling a condom and a generous amount of vodka. In other news, Penis Head's dead. And Sloane got him that way. Jack instructs Vaughn to leave his little girl alone, and Syd heads off to Wisconsin to do a little boot-knockin' with her old buddy Will. They also go on an assignment to recover something from Graz or something, and Sark shows up just long enough to get his ass kicked while Will takes a page out of the Spy Daddy operations book and shoves a knife into Francinator's chest. I really hope she stays dead this time.

12.06.2003
12.12.2003
B-

Erin

3-9
Recap

Dream On

Conscious - Hey, remember when you saw the promos for this episode and you totally thought you'd find out what in the hell Syd was doing during the Lost Years? And how David Cronenberg was somehow involved? And how Syd kicked Lauren's ass? And how there was the promise of some hot lip action going on between Syd and Vaughn? Yeah. At least the last three parts came true.

11.29.2003
12.04.2003
B-

Erin

3-8
Recap

Papa, Can You Hear Me?

Breaking Point - Yes he can, Sydney. And he's coming to git ya. Syd's being held by the NSC, and Spy Daddy drafts Shaft to go in and get her. Sloane takes a bullet for Jack, and Jack extracts it in his makeshift operating room, saving Sloane's life. Lauren earns her name back by helping Vaughn and Spy Daddy get Syd out of prison. Pruitt Taylor Vince shows up just long enough to creep all of us out with his googly eyes.

11.22.2003
11.30.2003
B

Erin

3-7
Recap

Hell Hath No Fury

Prelude - Like a Killjoy scorned. Man, this episode rules. We have ass-kicking in China, Vaughn threatening Jack in Hell-Lay, Spy Daddy murdering Chavez y Chavez in Mexico, and Syd making her scary tube-and-blood dreams a reality right in the heart of Rome. It's one hell of a fine ride in this roller coaster of an episode. And it's about goddamn time, too. Welcome back, Alias!

11.08.2003
11.14.2003
A

Erin

3-6
Recap

The Bitch Is Back

The Nemesis - That's right. Francinator's back, and she's got something of a bone to pick with Sydney. Unfortunately, we have to deal with some sideline plot about a missile-detecting device and a guy with reconstructive surgery before we can get to the Worst Girl Fight Ever. There's some naked Sark and some Spy Sexual Tension, and we get a bad explanation for the OmniAccent along the way, but the only thing we learn about the Lost Years is.well.nothing, actually. Man, that really sucks.

11.01.2003
11.06.2003
C

Erin

3-5
Recap

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd

Repercussions - And four's a damn party! Vaughn's in the hospital for a bit, recovering from his Syd-inflicted stab wound. Killjoy threatens Syd with transferal, only to recant her threat twenty-four hours later after a car chase with Syd changes her mind and turns her anger to well-formed girl love. Sloane joins the crew as a double agent with Djimon Hounsou in his pocket. Mmmm.Djimon Hounsou. Glad he's around, because Soymoan? Gone, baby. Gone. Yes, I'm crying. Shut UP.

10.25.2003
10.31.2003
C+

Erin

3-4
Recap

Missing? I'll tell you what's missing.

A Missing Link - An episode that sucks is what's missing. For the first time this season, JJ and crew came up with a plot that involved Justin Theroux, Syd diving nineteen floors into a pool without being pulverized, Super Bad Spy Daddy, Elephant marital spats, angry pregnant women, Satan Sloane, a Vaughn stabbing, and the tiniest bit of Sark action. And Justin Theroux. Shirtless. Vaughn who?

10.18.2003
10.24.2003
B

Erin

3-3
Recap

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Reunion - Really. No, really. The only thing interesting that happened in this episode was that part where Michael Vartan took his shirt off. Everything else was just blah blah blah satellite, blah blah blah I hate your ex-girlfriend and blah blah blah wait, did I just blink and miss Victor Garber? I've had more fun watching lint grow in my bellybutton.

10.11.2003
10.16.2003
D+

Erin

3-2
Recap

Sharon! This episode sucked!

Succession - No, I'm not kidding. This episode blew. So, Syd went to a porn theatre and discovered a severed head. Big deal. Then Sark had to be traded for some German dude. Yeah. Yawn. Then Syd had to dress up in a black bob and a necktie in order to nab some other German dude. I have NO idea what the purpose of this episode was, other than to annoy and irritate me. Julio? Drinks all around. We have to deal with this in a fully inebriated manner. With straws!

10.04.2003
10.09.2003
C-

Erin

3-1
Recap

Mr. Sandman, bring me a clue

The Two - Shhh. Sydney's sleeping. Oh, wait. No she's not. She's awake, and she's mad as HELL. Vaughn's married, Dixon's in charge, Spy Daddy's in prison, and Spy Barbie has a scar on her stomach the size of a Frisbee. Nothing's what it was in the season opener of Alias.

09.27.2003
10.02.2003
B-

Erin

2-22
Recap

Tell Her About It

The Telling - Or tell him about it. Or tell ANYONE about it. But just, like, TELL someone, Sloane! See, Sloane puts together this Rambaldi machine called "The Telling," and he's all smug and philosophical about it, but remarkably tight-lipped about what it actually is. All we can surmise is that must be pretty fucking powerful because, by the end, Syd wakes up in Hong Kong, Francinator's dead, Vaughn's married, and Syd's been missing for two years. Yeah. I need a nap.

05.03.2003
05.11.2003
A+

Erin

2-21
Recap

Double Your Francie, Double Your Fun

Second Double - This episode's all about the Will Frame. And the Raunchy Spy Sex. And the Frightening Francinator. And Satan Sloane offering to partner up again with Spy Daddy (can you say Ho!Yay!). And Sydney reclaiming her title as the Worst Spy Ever. And some other stuff. But mostly, it's about fifty-nine minutes, give or take a few commercials, and it's only the first half of a two-parter. Now go away and leave me alone.

05.03.2003
05.10.2003
B+

Erin

2-20
Recap

Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?

Countdown - Do you care? I mean, really, do you? Do you care what this damn episode's about? No. You don't. It's really just a placeholder 'til the finale, isn't it? Yeah. There's a Holocaust Heart and Dixon pops some pills and Marshall gets a girlfriend. Is this season over YET?

04.26.2003
05.03.2003
C+

Erin

2-21
Extra

I know what turns Bradley Cooper on.

The Bradley Cooper Interview, Part II - And you don't. Oh, okay, you will too once you read the second half of the Bradley interview. But only I know what he sounds like on the phone. So there.

04.30.2003
04.30.2003
N/A

Erin

2-20
Extra

Bradley Cooper is my new best friend

The Bradley Cooper Interview, Part I - Okay. Not really. But he's so cool that you'll wish he was your best friend too. And not in the stalkerish way. Take a break, grab a cocktail, and find out about the time that Bradley and Michael Vartan engaged in a big-ass swordfight on the back lot over the affections of one Jennifer Garner. Really. I mean it. I'm not kidding. Why are you laughing? Shut up.

04.26.2003
04.26.2003
N/A

Erin

2-19
Recap

Ding Dong, Mrs. Dixon's Dead

Endgame - Or is she? Actually, judging by the big-ass bomb that blew her car to kingdom come, I'd say, yeah, she's pretty much a goner. Wife of Slater reveals herself to be an undercover Russian agent, Slater reveals himself to be an undercover NSA agent, and Vaughn just reveals himself. In his boxer shorts. WITH NO SHIRT. Did I mention the "no shirt" part? Because that's really the most important part of the show.

03.29.2003
04.05.2003
A

Erin

2-18
Recap

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Truth Takes Time - Might as well add "dumbly" to the end of that list. So Irina and Sloane are in cahoots, and they're after some genetic database. Syd and the CIA are on their tails, but since they practically take out a full-page ad in Variety about their mission to capture the whole Sloane crew, Irina and Sark get away once again. This escape leads to a showdown at Sloane's Tuscan Villa of Evasion and the untimely death-by-sniper-shot of Auntie Em. And this time? She STAYS dead, dammit.

03.15.2003
03.22.2003
B-

Erin

2-17
Recap

Darkness Falls

A Dark Turn - And it falls fast and thick and with almost no basis for explanation. Irina and Jack fall into an op together in an effort to nab the elusive Sloane. Then they fall back into a Panama hotel bed together in an effort to rekindle the toaster fires of days gone by. Unfortunately, this momentary lapse in concentration allows Irina to fall back into her old ways and betray both Jack and the CIA by hooking up with Sloane in the eleventh hour, handing him the mysterious Rambaldi manuscript. In an entirely unrelated subplot, Vaughn falls victim to revenge and winds up investigating Irina on his own, thereby prompting Syd to question his loyalty to the CIA. I fall into a swimming pool of grain alcohol and thank my lucky stars that Owen is an expert lifeguard.

03.01.2003
03.08.2003
A

Erin

2-16
Recap

The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire!

Firebomb - Or it would be if all the people in this episode who go up in flames were closer to the ceiling. Sloane's Rambaldi device is a whole lot of power in an ugly art package. But that's not really the point of this episode. The point is...wait a minute...I know I had it for a second there...dammit. I really should stop picking my nose with a knitting needle. So, really, there's no point to this episode. Except that Sloane's a very bad man. And he's fond of bad Afghan art. And Syd's mad that she hasn't caught him yet. And Francinator's bugs were found. And she's a very bad woman. Oh, and seeing people burst into flames is never, EVER fun.

02.22.2003
03.01.2003
C+

Erin

2-15
Recap

It's called Alias, not Ford Focus's Alias

A Free Agent - The central theme of this episode seems to be that Ford Motors loves Alias, but it loves its Focus more. Thankfully, before the blatant product placement at the end of the show, we're treated to some sweet and tender After Spy Sex, a fleeting glimpse of Spy Mommy, a blink-and-you'll-miss-it appearance by Will, a few fabulous shots of Sark and his leather jacket, another demonstration of the badness that is Francinator, and a visit from the original bad boy himself, Christian Slater. All in all, a fabulous ep. But if I have to suffer through one more fucking Randy Newman-scored Ford commercial, I'm going to head up to the Motor City and do some serious damage to some of next year's models. Seriously.

02.08.2003
02.15.2003
A

Erin

2-14
Recap

Let's Get It Awwwwn

Double Agent - I suppose I could bore you with the details of this episode -- the cloning, the Ethan Hawke(s), the Francinator and her evil ways, the Olivia D'Abo and her perkiness, the addition of a bland blonde, the criminal non-appearance of Sark and Will and Spy Mommy. But what would be the point? All we really care about is the Spy Sex. And the Spy Sex. And did I mention the Spy Sex? AND MORE SPY SEX!

02.01.2003
02.07.2003
B-

Erin

2-13
Recap

The Long Kiss Goodnight

Phase One - In an effort to gain a wider audience, J.J. and Company bring us "A New Beginning." This basically means that J.J. blows the entire plot to hell and brings us the long-awaited Kiss. Yeah. That's right. Syd and Vaughn finally put their lips together and blow. Along the way, there's some hot and nasty lingerie, some serious plot pushing, the unveiling of the new and improved Foolio, and a guest appearance by our favorite replicant, Rutger Hauer.

01.25.2003
02.01.2003
A

Erin

2-12
Recap

Get it on. Bang a Vaughn. Get it on.

The Getaway - There's a gyroscope. And a mission. And the witch hunt. And Face Doneaway. And a non-dead Auntie Em. But you know what? None of that matters. Not really. Because Syd and Vaughn move one step closer to actual physical contact that doesn't involve rolling around on the ground and dodging bullets. France. Wine. Candles. Attempted assassination by a couple of Face's goons. Sigh. It's all so romantic.

01.11.2003
01.18.2003
A

Erin

2-11
Recap

Bring Me A Higher Love!

A Higher Echelon - Or just bring me a higher writing staff, because, dudes? Wow. If they weren't high when they wrote it, then they were high when they filmed it. And I wish I'd been high when I watched it. Luckily, I was high when I recapped it. Plot? Um. Yeah. Something about a computer program and Marshall being kidnapped and Jack being in deep shit with the Iguana Face and the sparks! Oooh! Look at the sparks! Pretty pretty.

01.04.2003
01.11.2003
C+

Erin

2-10
Recap

The Abduction

The Abduction - Syd and Sark go on a mission, and then Syd and Marshall have to go on a mission. Yes, Marshall. Who gets kidnapped. I know. I can't talk about it, I'm so worried.

12.14.2002
12.16.2002
A

Kim

2-9
Recap

National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation

Passage, Part II - True, no one ends up in an Italian porno flick, but as family holidays go, this one sucks ass.

12.07.2002
12.10.2002
B-

Wing Chun

2-8
Recap

If Music Be The Food Of Love

Passage, Part I - Then the music director must be fucking STARVING. It's an episode full of barely declared love, undeclared nuclear weapons, and declarations of hatred barely disguised as lust. Vaughn shows up only long enough to illustrate his love for Sydney in a broken watch, Syd shows up only long enough to kick some ass in a morgue and argue with Sarkie, Sarkie shows up only long enough to piss off Sloane, Sloane shows up only long enough to receive his dead wife's finger in a box, and Jack and Irina show up only long enough to make all of us wish for a little Spy Daddy-on-Spy Mommy carnal action. And the music sucks. Did I mention that?

11.30.2002
12.08.2002
C+

Erin

2-7
Recap

Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

The Counteragent - There's a whole lot of "why" going on in this episode. Namely because there's a whole lot of plot development going on that requires a healthy dose of "whateverthefuck" just to get through. On a more positive note, Vaughn and Syd come thisclose to uttering the "L" word when Syd saves Vaughn's life. There's also Will's stupid educational test subplot, Mama Hari's Advice For Chickenshit Lovers, and Sloane's untimely demise at the hands of a kimono-clad Syd. But all we really care about is the loooooove stuff...

11.16.2002
11.24.2002
B

Erin

2-6
Recap

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News!

Salvation - I got a bad case of an antibody-based virus that vaguely resembles Ebola to get through! Syd's dispatched, along with her explosives-loving father, to Geneva in order to retrieve some precious info about some virus that Irina & Company were developing as a potential bio-weapon. Will and Vaughn continue their male bonding over a little off-the-books employment, which, we can all assume, will lead to them discussing Syd's ass over a couple of Sierra Nevadas in the near future. Most importantly, however, is Syd's near-declaration of lurve to Vaughn as his impending death by fingernail-bleeding approaches.

11.09.2002
11.16.2002
A

Erin

2-5
Recap

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four

The Indicator - Syd was raised to be a spy and trusts her dad no more. See how I worked in the childhood rhyme thing? But it's too difficult to keep up and I'm basically lazy so, you know, moving on...Syd goes to Budapest and comes across sixteen next-gen weapons, which just happen to be children who are trained as spies, which eventually leads to her discovery that her father actually trained HER to be a spy. In other news, NAKED SLOANE. Yes, the "ew" is implied.

11.02.2002
11.10.2002
B-

Erin

2-4
Recap

If it ain't broke, Spy Daddy will BLOW IT UP.

Dead Drop - Ah, to be young and hip and death-defying and the child of parents who simply can't work it out and resort to subterfuge and psychological warfare and blowing up buildings to win their kid's affections. There's a map and Moscow and Sark and sexual tension, but deep down, it's really all about the major malfunction known as "The Spy Family."

10.19.2002
10.26.2002
B+

Erin

2-3
Recap

Careless Memories

Cipher - Oh, wow, Syd. You have to deal with shoving a CIA circuit board into a rocket, speeding your way through an exploding air duct, a mother who may or may not actually love you, two men who both dig your chili, a distant-but-caring father, and a sub-glacially stored music box, AND you're being force-fed the memory of you being cast as "the turkey who would be spared" in your first grade Thanksgiving play? Oh, Lord, honey. You should just set fire to the universe right now.

10.12.2002
10.19.2002
C

Erin

2-2
Recap

Tuck Everlasting

Trust Me - Did you know that Sydney and her mother both tuck their hair behind their ears? In the same way? On the same side? At the same time? In unison? With the same expression on their faces? Well, in case you didn't know that, you're given plenty of opportunities to learn in this episode. Sydney is forced into a difficult position when she nabs a blackmail disk but ignores some valuable Spy Mommy advice. Both Vaughn and Syd are forced to screw up their courage to face Spy Mommy full-on. The audience is forced to listen to the whiny warbling of one Bob Dylan. What did we do to deserve this?

10.05.2002
10.13.2002
B-

Erin

2-1
Recap

Who's a Bad Mama Jamma?

The Enemy Walks In - Lena Olin's a bad mama jamma, that's who! That's right. Spy Mommy has arrived and she is smokin'! Syd gets shot within the first five minutes, indicating that the rest of the show will be highly unpredictable and exciting. And it is. If, of course, you leave out the first twenty minutes of regurgitation and annoyance. But Lena Olin makes it all better. Ahhhh, Lena. Sometimes I wish I were a heterosexual male...

09.28.2002
10.05.2002
B-

Erin

1-22
Recap

"Almost thirty hours" is more like it

Almost Thirty Years - That's how long it took for me to write this damn thing. At least, it felt like thirty hours. Of course, it could be all the drugs I'm on at the moment. And not the fun kind. Well, that is, they're not fun until you start MIXING them. Sigh. I love Robitussin. And Nyquil. And Sudafed. And TheraFlu. And my elephant slippers. And my Aveda candle. And my mommy. What happened on the show? I dunno. I was too busy fondling my PS2 and emptying my head of vast amounts of snot. Oh, Vaughn's dead. That's important, right?

05.11.2002
05.18.2002
A+

Erin

1-21
Recap

The Paris Death Match

Rendezvous - In what has been called "THE BEST EPISODE EVER," Sark gets captured by SD-6 and force-fed a nice bottle of red. Syd and Dix travel to Paris in order to apprehend Khasinau and his cache of Rambaldi invisible-ink pages. Dixon develops a sixth sense that, instead of making him see dead people, makes him catch wind of Sydney's true identity. Auntie Em catches a reprieve from The Alliance, only to discover that her cancer? Not so bad. Oh, and Willage? TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF. Slurp. Sigh.

05.04.2002
05.11.2002
A

Erin

1-20
Recap

Solution! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Solution!

The Solution - Right. So, Spitzy Saliva-Pants is dead. Long live Spitzy Saliva-Pants. Spy Barbie mopes around, wondering why every man she has sex with has to die. Francie's discovery of an infestation of rats somehow triggers Sydney's brilliant plan to snare Kasineau with a fake copy of the Rambaldi liquid. Willage gets another call from Deep Throat, this time informing him that it was Spy Daddy who kidnapped his sorry ass. What's "the solution" you ask? Drink as much vodka as possible until you no longer find Will attractive. Trust me. It works.

04.20.2002
04.28.2002
B+

Erin

1-19
Recap

Bucky the Snowman

Snowman - Know what? Bucky's a bad guy. Know what else? Syd finally gets a glimpse of what her Russian bitch of a mother was all about. Know what else? Spy Daddy's still hauling around a load of baggage that could fill the cargo bay of a 747. Know what else? Bucky finally puts that enormous set of front teeth to good use and bites the big one.

04.13.2002
04.20.2002
C+

Erin

1-18
Recap

Phantom of the Spy Opera

Masquerade - Masks and missing mommies, lusts and lame plot contrivances, buck teeth and bullshit -- this episode's got 'em all. Syd's on the hunt for Spy Mommy, Peter Berg makes an appearance as Syd's snaggletoothed ex-lover, and Spy Daddy hits the afternoon sauce. And the panties? They're flyin', baby! Flyin'!

04.06.2002
04.13.2002
C+

Erin

1-17
Recap

Déjà Vu To A Kill

Q & A - Regina went to Paris, and all we got was this lousy clip show.

03.16.2002
03.19.2002
C

Shack

1-16
Recap

Sydney The Destructor

The Prophecy - Remember that page with Sydney's face on it? Well, that's not ALL that's on it, apparently. Syd's got the goods that prove her to be some sort of prophesized destructor of the planet or something. She tries to clear her name by breaking into the Vatican, but God's not fond of people who burglarize his places of worship so, you know, she's screwed. There's some miniature side plot about "The Man" and how Sloane wants him dead but, really, we're all too interested in how J. J. Abrams is suddenly turning into Chris Carter over here.

03.09.2002
03.16.2002
B

Erin

1-15
Recap

When Good Sketches Go Bad

Page 47 - Syd nabs the Rambaldi manuscript right out from underneath Ewan Deux's snout, Lois Lame gets his sorry snooping ass kidnapped, Vaughn tells Sydney she's real purty, and Amy Irving makes an appearance as Sloane's long-suffering wife. In other news, the CIA drips that perfume crap from the SD-6 vault all over the infamous Page 47 and reveals a billion-year-old sketch of Sydney's angelic visage. Regina calls out for Thai food and a lobotomy.

03.02.2002
03.09.2002
B+

Erin

1-14
Recap

Vegas, baby! VEGAS!

The Coup - You ALWAYS double down on eleven. Unfortunately, there's precious little time for Syd and Dix to gamble on this trip to Vegas. It's all about getting a ring from some guy and trying to figure out just who in the hell "The Man" really is. Willage Idiot continues on his quest for ultimate stupidity. Francie continues on her quest to marry a lying, cheating, scum-sucking pig. Spy Daddy continues on his quest to repair the bridges of love between him and his daughter. Vaughn continues on his quest to make Sydney his lurve slave.

02.23.2002
03.01.2002
D

Erin

1-13
Recap

The Box, Part II

The Box, Part II - After a brief hiatus, Tarantino and his crew of mercenaries return to torture us some more with bad dialogue and overwrought scenes of violence. Spy Daddy saves the day. Again. Willage Idiot is a waste of space. Again. Shovelhead is a motormouth. Again. And Sydney kicks some butt. Again.

02.09.2002
02.16.2002
B-

Erin

1-12
Recap

The Box, Part I

The Box, Part I - Everyone's favorite pop culture enthusiast, Quentin Tarantino, makes an appearance as a rogue terrorist with an agenda. His agenda, unfortunately, involves taking out the entirety of SD-6, including our favorite supporting characters, Dixon and Marshall. Syd has to put her feelings about the whole "Mommy is a KGB operative" situation aside and combine wits with Spy Daddy in order to save SD-6 from impending doom. Will just waffles around, debating whether or not he should pursue this SD-6 story that he's so curious about. Will? Shut up and go buy a comb, okay?

01.19.2002
01.22.2002
C+

Erin

1-11
Recap

The Confession

The Confession - Sydney starts to feel closer to her father, only to have her original suspicions about his working for the KGB confirmed. She has a mini-nervous breakdown about turning him in, only to discover that she mistrusted the wrong parent all along.

01.05.2002
01.12.2002
C+

Manimal

1-10
Recap

Spirit

Spirit - Jack comes to Sydney's rescue. Will sleeps with Jennie and investigates SD-6; we know he's going to botch both. Sloane sends Jack to kill Hassan, but Jack ends up getting caught. Sydney tries to rescue Jack, but -- surprise, surprise -- ends up bungling things.

12.15.2001
12.22.2001
B

Manimal

1-9
Recap

Mea Culpa

Mea Culpa - Sydney flies all over the world to steal money from a former SD-6 ally. Sloane's convinced she's not the mole, despite Carl Dryer's opinions. Meanwhile, Will acts like an oblivious idiot and "gets closer to the truth" when the person on the other end of the live bug contacts him. Marshall inadvertently rats out Sydney, and Sloane has her kidnapped.

12.08.2001
12.15.2001
C

Manimal

1-8
Recap

Devices and desires

Time Will Tell - Devices: they're missing. Sydney: she steals them. Will: still incompetent. Jack: possibly still a KGB spy, although he was ostensibly cleared of all that. Lie-detector test: a way for Vaughn to make his desires known.

12.01.2001
12.05.2001
C+

Manimal

1-7
Recap

Color-Blind

Color-Blind - Sydney frees The Romanian Candidate and makes it back to L.A. safely just in time for Thanksgiving hijinks: Charlie proposes to Francie, Francie fricassees a turkey, Vaughn breaks up with Alice, and Sloane tracks down both the moles.

11.24.2001
12.01.2001
C+

Manimal

1-6
Recap

Reckoning

Reckoning - Sydney faces a big showcase showdown with her dad when he starts dictating her missions and she thinks she knows his dirty little secret: that he's responsible for her mother's death. Sydney and Dixon go to London to steal a decoder that leads to her next assignment: finding an assassin in a mental asylum.

11.17.2001
11.20.2001
B

Manimal

1-5
Recap

Doppelganger

Doppelganger - Sydney and Vaughn screw up a lot. They switch renegade scientists and get the fake to SD-6, only to forget to supply him with key information. Then Sydney sends Spy Daddy in to feed the info to him. Also, Dixon stumbles across Sydney's double-agenthood so many times he practically spends the whole episode picking himself up. Sloane is scary.

10.27.2001
11.01.2001
D

Manimal

1-4
Recap

Let's do the plot twist AGAIN

A Broken Heart - There's a plot twist. And a plot twist. And a plot twist. And a plot twist. And a plot twist. There's another plot twist. And another. And another. And another. And another.

10.20.2001
10.21.2001
D+

Manimal

1-3
Recap

Spy Vs. Spy

Parity - Sydney takes off with a valuable locked case, but her old nemesis keeps the key. Clarence Thomas Lite is assigned to her case instead of Vaughn. Then she gets drunk and kisses Will. Methinks the girl has been punished enough.

10.13.2001
10.16.2001
C

Manimal

1-2
Recap

Been Around The World (tm Lisa Stansfield)

So It Begins - And ay yi yi, I can't find a believable plot point. Sydney thinks she can take down SD-6 in two months, but au contraire. She's in it for the long haul. And so are we. For the longest, most nonsensical haul ever.

10.06.2001
10.08.2001
D+

Manimal

1-1
Recap

Truth be told -- over and over again

Truth Be Told - She's a grad student! She's a spy! She's a grad student! She's a spy! She's a grad student! She's a spy! She's a grad student! She's a spy! She's a grad student! She's a spy! She's a grad student! She's a spy!

09.29.2001
10.02.2001
B

Manimal

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