Alias
Alias

Episode Report Card
Erin: C- | 469 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
No. The title really does mean nothing.

Seconds later, everyone enters the interrogation room and Dix frees DMG's right hand. He hands over a bottle of water and DMG thanks him. As he takes a swig, Dix tells him they know about the (fake) niridium. DMG seems unfazed. Dix says that possession of (fake) niridium is considered an act of terrorism and that, based on this fact, they can lock him away indefinitely. But that does them no good. What they really want to know is, where is the rest of the (fake) niridium and what does he intend to do with it? Tell them what he knows and they'll cut him a deal. DMG says he wants immunity. From everything. From the (fake) niridium and from (really) killing Michael Vaughn. Syd looks disgusted by this.

"You'd do it, wouldn't you?" he asks, looking right at her. "You'd have to. Well, I'll save you the trouble. No deal. I'm not talking." He looks down at her belly. "Sorry, baby. Daddy just went snooping where he shouldn't have gone." Syd, obviously as irritated by this declaration as by DMG's horrific use of the English language, just hauls off and kicks him the chest, throwing him, and his chair, through the window. Down five stories. And into the canal. And Weiss asks Dix if DMG drank enough of the water. And Dix says he thinks it's about two hours before the tracking serum enters DMG's bloodstream. And Weiss says he'll set up the scanner. And I rip the hair from my own head and try not to throw my laptop out the window.

There are so many problems with this sequence that I can't even begin to express my anger. But I'll try. 1) It should have been, "Daddy just went snooping where he shouldn't have." The "gone" wasn't necessary. 2) She kicked him IN THE CHEST, which was probably enough to kill him right there. 3) She kicked him through a glass window, which is probably enough to kill ANYONE. 4) They weren't on the second damn floor, they were on the FIFTH, which, again, is probably enough to kill ANYONE, and, finally, 5) he's still strapped to an office chair, which is dead weight as far as I'm concerned, and again, enough to kill ANYONE. I appreciate the scene, I think it's hilarious, I understand why they had to murder several instances of logic in order to perform it, but still. BUT STILL.

WHERE IS THE VIRGIN DAMN ALE I ASKED FOR, YOU FECKIN' SCOTSMEN? And, while we're at it, grab me a bale of hash, okay? It's over in the corner next to the brick of cocaine I ordered last Friday. Because I knew this was coming. And because we're not getting out of this without getting supremely fucked up. Light me up, homies. Light me up.

Alias

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