A Free Agent

Episode Report Card
Erin: A | Grade It Now!
It's called Alias, not Ford Focus's Alias

Syd blahs some more about the ceremony and her life and Vaughn asks her if she's going to quit the CIA. Syd just nods. I just reach for the remote and rewind back to the beginning so I can watch Hot!Vaughn! touch Hot!Syd! in that incredibly sexy post-coital way.

Oops Center. Syd, Jack, and Kendall are hanging out by...well, by nothing, actually. They're just standing in the middle of Oops Center. For no reason. Syd's obviously just informed Kendall of her desire to leave the firm, because Kendall's all, yeah, about that resignation -- not so much, sister. Afraid I can't endorse that. Syd's all, uh, EXCUSE ME? Blow me, cheese dog. And while you're at it, get someone to powder that skull of yours, dude. The shine off that thing is making me see spots. Kendall gets all uppity with Syd and basically tries to force her to stick around by threatening to cut off Syd's access to Spy Mommy if she quits the agency. Syd's all, are you BLACKMAILING ME? And also? Don't you work for the fucking FBI? When in the hell did you jump the fence and become the head of the fucking CIA? Dude. You headed up the federal task force that nabbed my mom, okay? We got that. Nice job. But, uh, I work for the CIA, so, like, suck my left one. Kendall's all, hey, if you quit the agency, you're a civilian, sweetheart. And civilians ain't allowed to visit Mama Hari's Den Of Delights. At all. Ever. Are we clear? Syd's all, crystal. Oh, and does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe? "In or out, kiddo?" Kendall sneers. "Can't have it both ways." Wait. Did he just -- "kiddo"? He called her "kiddo"? Oh, fuck HIM, Syd. And fuck the CIA. And shoot him. Shoot him now.

After condescending to the CIA's top grad student/spy, Kendall finally walks off, leaving Syd to turn to her father in disgust and confusion. "Legally, he's right," says Jack. "Ethically, he's an ass." Hee. Spy Daddy said "ass." Hee hee. Syd's expression suggests that not only is Kendall an ass, but she could think of several things she'd like to shove UP his ass, alongside that ninety-foot pole he already has up there.

Mama Hari's Den Of Delights. Syd slo-mos her way down the hall toward her mother. Irina meets her at the bulletproof glass and says, "Congratulations. Your father told me about your success. What about your associates at SD-6? You had friends there, yes?" Okay, that totally means that Jack's been spending quality time with his ex-non-dead-wife. Doesn't it? That ROCKS. They're totally going to get it awwwwn before the end of the season. At least, I hope they totally get it awwwwn before the end of the season. That would be my only wish. I mean, besides my wish about finding Ruprecht's naked moldy henpecked carcass lying in the middle of Wolcott Street round about seven-thirty tomorrow morning.

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