Alias
A Free Agent

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Erin: A | Grade It Now!
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It's called Alias, not Ford Focus's Alias

Blah blah blah, Shipman's the airfield in the Mojave Desert. Bling blam blooey, it's operated by some smuggling cartel. Flip flap flim, Kendall wants to interrogate the cartel. Clip clock clueless, Syd thinks that'll take too long, and suggests accessing the flight data recorder on the plane Sloane chartered and locating him that way. Ding dong ditch 'em, Kendall volunteers Syd for the assignment. Yawn.

Bathroom Of Browbeaten Wives And Their Terrified Tots. Wife of Slater and Son of Slater quiver on the floor of a blue-tinged bathroom. Sarkie enters, sporting a shiny black leather jacket that looks straight out of J. Crew, and walks over to the hostages. She's all, where's my husband, you bastard! Nice jacket, by the way. Sark's all, none of your damn business. And thanks! I got it on sale. Half price! He kneels down and says something about her supporting Slater's cooperation because, like, if he doesn't dance, the kid gets it. The kid, hearing this, starts to sob. So does Wife of Slater. Sarkie just holds up a digital voice recorder and nearly waggles it in her face.

Airfield In The Middle Of The Goddamn Mojave Desert. Vaughn's posing as a sleazy arms dealer. The "sleazy" is implied by his absolutely atrocious blue leisure suit and wide-lapelled poly blend shirt. The hell? Like, see, if it were Spy Daddy, or Kendall even, I could totally buy that; but Vaughn's HOT, see? So, like, he could wear bell-bottoms and a halter top and he still wouldn't pass for sleazy. And this shirt is hideous, people. It has, like, silver palm fronds on it or something. And he STILL looks good.

Anyway, looks like Vaughn's supposed to get the guy to ship a box of illegal guns or something. Some guy in a cowboy hat doubts that Vaughn's who he says he is. Dude! He's bringing the poly blend! He's legit! Some guy behind Vaughn holds a gun to his head, and Cowboy Hat demands that Vaughn tell him the make of the gun. Whatever. Vaughn gets it and is cooler than hell while he does it. God, even his neck is hot.

Ahem. Next thing we see is a forklift moving Vaughn's box (why does that sound dirty all of a sudden?) into the cargo hold of a plane. Vaughn drives his big-ass SUV around the corner and parks. Syd slides out from under the box. She's dressed as a crew person. There's some gadgetry moment where Syd accesses the flight data and Vaughn downloads it. She goes to leave and runs into some crew guy. She quickly disposes of him and tells Vaughn to meet her closer to the door, 'cuz she's been made and has to bolt. Vaughn's all, copy that, hot stuff.

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Alias

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