Alias
A Higher Echelon

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Bring Me A Higher Love!

Ops Center For Anxious Agents And Their Permanently Pursing Pouts. Jack enters and stalks over to Vaughn and some other agents who are discussing whether or not they'd travel to France in order to meet a hot single guy who'd just inherited $50 mil. Jack starts barking orders. "Get everyone you can from op tech now. Notify assets in Istanbul, Taipei, and Azerbaijan we'll need immediate assistance in forging hard evidence of my being in each of those locations on specific days and times." Vaughn watches as the lackeys scramble and then turns to Jack all, uh, dude? Switch to decaf, okay? You're scaring me. Jack prepares Pout #289 and says, "We have a situation. [Face Doneaway], head of Alliance counterintelligence, she's investigating me in connection with the murder of Emily Sloane." Vaughn's all, so? Your aliases and the places you've been with the agency are all covered, bud. Take a chill pill. Jack's all, okay, passport stamps, plane tickets, all that shit will withstand a cursory inquiry. "This is anything but cursory. I did not kill Emily Sloane but I do have secrets and the last thing I can afford, the last thing Sydney can afford, is someone discovering that my loyalty does not lie with SD-6." Oh, and if you tell me to take a chill pill one more time, I'll remove Mr. Happy with a rusty nail and you can sure as FUCK kiss intimate relations with ANYONE, let alone my precious little girl, GOODBYE. Don't think I won't do it.

Back from the commercial break, we're still at Ops Center. A bunch of agents surround Jack as one of them keeps handing him stuff so he can put his fingerprints on them, including the wheel of the car he rented in Taipei. Okay. I'd like to just move right on past this section, seeing as it's the DUMBEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN. Like, no one else rented the car after Jack? I mean, Jack WAS in Taipei, wasn't he? He did actually RENT a car, didn't he? Well, where's the car? And even if the car is found by SD-6, won't there be, like, NINE HUNDRED OTHER PRINTS ON IT? Or does SD-6 only use a rental car company that doesn't actually CLEAN its cars after each rental? Actually, come to think of it, not only is this scene the dumbest fucking thing ever, but the whole Face Doneaway scenario is equally the dumbest fucking thing ever. The whole thing. From top to Botox'd bottom. Doesn't make any sense. Or should I say, what little sense it once made is now lost in a bunch of loose storylines and carp-like aging actresses whom we can't picture without hearing, "NO. MORE. WIRE. HANGERS. EVER!"

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Alias

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