Alias
A Higher Echelon

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Bring Me A Higher Love!

Um. The hell? This guy tortured her, tortured Will, tortured Marshall, and all she fucking does is KICK him? What, so he can come back in about seven episodes to torture JACK? This makes no sense whatsoever, dudes. NONE. Of course, in the context of Syd never actually killing anyone, it makes PERFECT sense. And, no, writers, the Sloane/geisha incident doesn't count. Why? Because all Syd did was DELIVER Sloane to his death. She didn't actually pull the trigger. And in this particular instance, Syd would have to actually be responsible for someone's death, no matter how bad and creepy they are or how justified it may be. That being said, I really wish she'd just epoxied the shit outta that freakshow. I would have stood up and cheered.

Syd's all, hi. Whassup? Marshall's all, wow. I love you. Syd's all, yeah, whatever. Let's go. But before they can make a safe (and quick) getaway, Contrivance shows up, flexes her muscles, and makes it so the security system is operational yet again, making it impossible for Syd and Marshall to exit the building without guards shooting at them.

Syd opens a door to exit, only to see a bunch of guards coming toward them. She slams the door shut, and her red lace thong exits its dressing room and joins us on the set. Hi, Red Lace Thong! Welcome to the party! Where have you been hiding all this time? What's that? Oh, you only showed up because ratings have been flailing as of late and ABC could use a little ass crack? Wow. Do you find that kind of demeaning? What's that? Oh, well, I see your point. Red lace thongs cannot live by ass crack alone. That check you received from Mr. Abrams ought to keep you in the style to which you've become accustomed. Say hi to Red Lace Push-Up Bra for us when you get a chance! Hope to see ya later!

While the guards continue shooting at a door that looks like a couple of decent punches from a lame-ass like myself could take it down, Syd shrieks at Dix that they're trapped. Before Dix can try to come to the rescue, however, Marshall runs over, grabs a chair, and flings it out the window. "Come on!" he shouts at Syd. She runs over and lamely reminds him that they're on the forty-seventh floor. Contrivance does a couple of deep lunges, cracks her knuckles, and gives the air a couple of slicing jabs as Marshall blabs, "Remember when we flew to London? I compressed a high glide tactical parachute in the lining of my jacket? Well, as luck would have it, this one's got it too. Along with a hyper-extending tandem sling. Come here." Marshall grabs Syd and locks the tandem sling around her. "Hi," he says, grinning, as the guards make their way into the room. "My name is Marshall J. Flinkman and I'm here to rescue you!" They leap out the window, and the parachute flings out behind them.

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Alias

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