A Higher Echelon

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Bring Me A Higher Love!

Vaughn steps up and snivels that Irina thinks Cuvee may have used a Russian network to make contact, and that the Russian version of Echelon is called "Swarm." Yeah. I don't know what's going on. Don't care, either. When Michael Vartan's onscreen, he could be speaking Swahili without captions and I would still be slavering over his chiseled image. Plot? Yeah. It's over there somewhere. Show Vartan again!

Syd's all, she told you that? Jack's all, I talked to her. Syd looks at him like, okay, what's next? Candlelit dinners and silk peignoirs? Since when does Mommy talk to ANYONE but me? Jack's all, okay, one more outburst like that and I'm gonna put you over my knee and show you who's the head of this spy family, okay? Syd just glares at him as he goes on to say that Irina thinks she can find the back door, but she has...ahem...a few terms.

Mama Hari's Den Of Delights. We flashback to Jack and Jill going up the hill in The Cell Of No Cellulite. Spy Mommy informs Jack that, if he wants to know where Cuvee breached the system, she can find out for him. "It'll take time," she says, "but I could do it if I were given access to Echelon, no restrictions." Jack's all, HA! Nice one. That is SO not gonna happen. Remember Kendall? Yeah, the guy who HATES your aerobicized ass? He's gonna take one listen to your "terms" and tell you to go fuck yourself. Irina's not impressed. "I would simply ask you to inform Mr. Kendall that the technicians he'll assign to do the job will discover it is like quicksand."

Yeah. "Quicksand." Doesn't make any sense, does it? If I hadn't already watched the whole episode, I wouldn't know what in the hell she's talking about. But since I HAVE watched the whole episode already...well...actually, I STILL don't know what in the hell she's talking about. Or maybe, you know, I sort of DO know what in the hell she's talking about because...

Oh, just fucking forget it.

["Think back to the last time Windows corrupted a file for no reason and fucked your whole hard drive to hell. Yeah. THAT'S what she's talking about." -- Sars]

Back at the Ops Center, Kendall's all, your father hit the nail on the head. "I declined the offer," he snits. "Second to only Arvin Sloane, Irina Derevko is the last person I want having access to the U.S. government's secure network." Syd's all, but she'd be watched! And she'd be surrounded! And she'd look really pretty, because the government-issue hairdressers and makeup artists would make sure to give her that special treatment they reserve for out-of-cell moments! Kendall's all, save it, sweetheart. Your mama ain't getting anywhere near computers or telecommunications equipment any time soon so, like, get over it. Syd's all, but we're wasting time! And she's really pretty! And we're pretty together! And Lena Olin's already demanded a minimum of thirty seconds outside her cell as a bargaining chip in her contract renewal! Kendall just smirks and says, "Agent Bristow, we hire qualified technicians around here. What do you say we give them a shot?" Hee. I love it when Terry O'Quinn brings the smirk to the table. He's so good at bureaucratic snobbery.

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