Alias
A Man Of His Word

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
And that word is, "Buh-bye."

Sark's all, dude. I gave you my word. Vaughn's all, tell it to the hand because the head ain't listening. Sark's all, seriously. My word is my bond. Vaughn's all, dude, you're about to betray a former business partner; doesn't really instill a lot of faith in your loyalties. Sark's all, I've become a trustworthy man, dude. Promise. Vaughn's all, heh heh heh, no. Where you go, we go. Get used to it. Now, of course, since Sark can't go alone, Syd has to dress up like Lauren so Ushek won't be suspicious. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, it's stupid. No, it doesn't make sense. Yes, I am annoyed. This is where the vodka comes in. DID I MENTION THE VODKA?

So, yeah, whatever, Syd has to dress up like Lauren because she's dealt with Ushek on the phone before and therefore it would make sense for her to show up with Sark. I guess. I don't know. In some random hotel room, Syd dons a really bad blonde wig and makes herself up to resemble Lauren, only she leaves out the most important part: The Evil Black Eyeliner of DOOM. Sorry, Syd. No one will even remotely buy you as Evilauren without the Kohl Shadow of Death. For no reason whatsoever, we get a quick shot of Jack watching Sloane watching his daughter in the Recovery Room of Comatose Sisters. Then we go right back to Syd-as-Lauren. Yeah. No idea. Vaughn's watching Syd get made up as his dead ex-wife. Syd looks over at him. "How's this?" she says in a bad impersonation of Lauren's voice. "Perfect," he says. "But you could use a little more black eyeliner. Here, just take the burnt edge of this match…"

Venice. Italy, not California. We're at a club. Vaughn's leaning over a balcony. Syd walks through with Sark stapled to her side. "I must tell you," says Sark, taking a seat on a sofa, "Lauren and I had a reputation. Certain intimacies were public knowledge. We must maintain appearances." Heh. "Dream on, you perverted freak," drawls Syd. Hee. Yeah, that line just brought it to a C+. Ushek approaches with a skanky ho attached to his arm. He greets Sark and Syd and leans down to drool all over her hand. Oh, ew. Ushek pours shots of tequila all around and wants them to toast to the CRF. Vaughn watches from above. Everyone drinks. Ushek rather grossly spills some tequila down the cleavage of his skanky ho and snorts it up. Blurg.

Ushek asks what their business is. Sark just gabs something about insider information or something. It's dumb. Trust me. Ushek is all, information about what? Sark's all, yeah, someone told us you got your hands on a chemical bomb. Ushek's all, what bomb are you talking about? Syd's all, the one you hired Anna Espinosa to steal. Ushek says nothing. Syd gets up, pretending to be irritated that Ushek's not sharing info. He'll share the info, in exchange for something. Syd's all, what's that? "Mr. Sark has told me about your…predilections," Ushek says, foaming at the mouth. "Mmm? I have a room above this club. I'd like to watch that. For myself." Okay, WHAT? He'll give them information but only if he gets to watch Syd DOING IT with Sark? I mean, what does she do that's so original that someone would want to watch it? What, does she do it while standing on her head? Are there circus clowns involved? Does it require a trampoline? WHAT?

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Alias

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