Alias
All The Time In The World (2)

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 8 USERS: A-
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This is the end. My foolish friends, the end.

Random Warehouse of Bitches Who Really Have it Coming to Them. Peyton's strapped to a chair with a hood on her head. Dix rips it off, and she looks a wee bit scared. Syd walks up and tells her that they know she's working with Sloane and they know about the missiles. What they don't know is where they are or where they're headed. Peyton stares her down as Syd continues, "Now, I'm well aware that you're tough and that you've been conditioned to withstand torture. But I have something you don't have. I have your former best friend." Rachel walks up and simpers, "And I know what you're afraid of." That's when we hear the hiss of a snake and suddenly, Peyton starts gasping as a snake appears over her right shoulder. Syd tells her to stay extremely still as Peyton begins to panic. Heh. Awesome.

Minutes later, Syd busts out of the room and says that Peyton has no idea where the missiles are, but she does know that Sloane is planning to target two cities with high civilian concentrations. Wow. When Peyton spills it, Peyton really spills it. One little snake and girlfriend's like bloody Niagara Falls. "He's not interested in devastation," says Jack. "He plans to profit off the reconstruction. Sloane controls Prophet Five's network--communications, pharmaceuticals, finances; he'll make billions." The what? That's it? This is all about money? Man runs around the planet killing everyone in his path in order to get his hands on all things Rambaldi and it turns out that all he wants is money? That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. "It gets worse," says Syd, although I can't possibly see how it can. "Sloane's in Mongolia." She says that like it's a bad thing. Mongolia's very nice this time of year.

Mongolia. Somebody get me a sherpa and a flagon of yak's milk and get me the hell out of here. At a large encampment in the middle of Palm Desert, Sloane arrives in a Humvee. He gets out and meets with a man speaking Russian. The man says he thinks they've "found it," and Sloane walks with him into a bunker that has the Rambaldi eye symbol <0> on it. Well, that can't be good. Or maybe it's awesome. Anything that moves this plot along is fine by me. The closer we are to this mess ending the better. Oh, what? Like YOU don't feel the same? Please. Even the ACTORS think this show should've ended, like, two seasons ago. And they actually LOVE it. And Jaybrams CLEARLY thought it should have ended ages ago because he left back when shit still made sense, and he's barely returned long enough to have a piece of cheesecake down in the damn commissary. This shit is over, dudes. OVER.

And, just to remind me how over it is, we return from break for yet ANOTHER flashback; this time at Sydney's college. She's studying at a table and Francie (Hi, Francie! We missed you! Where's your black eyeliner of evilness? Oh, wait. You're good here. Never mind. Hi, Francie! Where's Will?) walks up and tells her to put on her dancing shoes because Charlie the Cheater has tickets to some new club in Silverlake. Syd can't go because she wants to be all boring and go find a job. Francie says she should be a teacher like her mom, and Syd says that teaching is her safety net, and she doesn't want to make a decision now that will affect the rest of her life. Only she totally does just that in about thirty seconds here. Before she leaves, Francie says that Charlie has a friend named "Danny" and that they'll pick her up at eight, thus ending the "establishing character relations" portion of this flashback. A man in a dark suit walks up not two seconds later and asks if he might have a moment of her time. Sure he can! As long as it involves talking about wigs and guns and overall spyliciousness! Bring it on!

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Alias

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