Ladies and gentlemen, the Playstation 2 is in the HOUSE.

Yeah. I have a Playstation 2. The price dropped. I decided to go for it. As a result, I've barely exited my apartment other than to pick up cigarettes and a nasty head cold from Wedge the Destructor. Neither the Playstation 2 nor my head cold have made it terribly enticing to sit at my computer and play recapper for several hours. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'd rather park it in front of my TV with a vat of orange juice and a box of Kleenex and troop down Elysium Alps in pursuit of the SSX Tricky gold medal than watch Vaughn buy it again in a pool of Sydney-created death.

But then, I'm a geek.

That being said, I'm going to enter into this recap with the knowledge that there is a warm chair in my living room with my name on it and a PS2 controller that's barely been handled. If these two facts make this recap less detailed than usual, well, then, I am truly sorry. If you had a PS2 and a raging head cold that prohibits you from hearing out of your right ear, then maybe you'd understand.

Previously on Alias: Will was dead.

Now, he's just getting carted into some hellhole and being strapped to a chair with handcuffs. His face is all beaten up, and Sark's standing over him looking superior. And adorable. Mmmm. Sark. Right, so Sark says something about keeping Willage alive but not comfortable. "What is the circumference?" Sark asks. Willage, his left eye looking remarkably like the piece of salmon I just popped into the fridge to marinate, tells Sark that there's been a major misunderstanding here, and that he knows dick-all about "the circumference." Sark leaves through some slatted wooden doors. Willage looks around, trying to determine if there is a PS2 nearby and, if so, if he can practice his übermoves while awaiting his eventual torture. Unfortunately, he's unable to locate a PS2. A couple of thugs enter and start jamming dental instruments into his mouth. The slatted doors open again, and in comes the sadistic dentist of Asian persuasion from many episodes ago. Yeah, we've all been here before. He walks over to Willage, leans in real close, smiles, and says "hello" in a truly creepy way.

Cut to Hell-Lay, where Francie's got a bug up her ass about still being in catering after all these years. She stalks into Syd's room and starts yammering on about starting her own restaurant. She's got the pigtails working, so she's not as annoying as she possibly could be but, like, she's still annoying. This is such a dumb plot point that I'm not going to even address it. Francie's all, I'm opening a restaurant. Syd's all, what-EVER, dude. I'm in my pajamas. Can you get me some coffee? Francie's all, I've already got a place in Silverlake. Sydney's all, no shit? Really? I care. GET ME SOME COFFEE.

Thankfully, Syd's cell phone rings, saving us from more retarded restaurant patter. It's Sark, informing Sydney that he has Willage and he plans to kill him unless Syd produces the blank page AND the Rambaldi liquid. Willage screams some sort of false-bravado ying-yang on the other end about Syd not listening to Sark or something. Syd starts crying. Or, should I say, Syd continues to cry, as she's pretty much been blubbering from the moment she picked up the damn phone.

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