Alias
Authorized Personnel Only, Part II

Episode Report Card
Erin: C | 3 USERS: B-
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Double Your Premiere, Double Your Fun

And now for Part Two of "Authorized Personnel Only," or "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Dark Side and Accept the Fact that Both of My Parents Are Evil and Wrong and Not of the Lord."

After her confession to Vaughn, Syd returns to the Apple Store, refreshed and invigorated and ready to listen as her murderous father relates some ho-hum details about Rick Yune that are supposed to further the plot, but really just make it possible for Sloane to bring Marshall into the fold and also allow Sydney to go on some extraneous mission to steal a samurai sword.

See, Rick Yune has apparently severed all ties to every known contact and has, in effect, disappeared from the face of the earth. So, their one link to Vadik has up and gone. All signs indicate that Vadik is still around; Rick Yune's just hit the skids. And, since he's their only link to Vadik, they'd damn well better find the man. Sloane saunters up and puts his hand on the back of Syd's chair and says something about that fictional museum in London. Syd shoots a look at Sloane's hand that pretty much says, "Touch me and you pull back a stump, little man." She turns to the rest of the group and tells them about Rick Yune breaking into the museum.

Sloane announces that Rick Yune was trying to steal the Shintaro Sword. (Googled. Doesn't exist. I do my homework, y'all.) It would seem that the imaginary Shintaro Sword is the most famous samurai blade outside of Japan, and Rick Yune was trying to steal it in order to bring it back to Japan and restore honor to his country. Yes. Because nothing says "honor" like "breaking and entering." Sloane says that they may not be able to contact Rick Yune, but he's thought of a way to get Rick Yune to contact them. There's a pause as he looks around at everyone and, finally, Jack takes the bait. "Are you suggesting we fake a robbery of the Hasunaga?" Again, there's a pause. Sloane doesn't answer. Sydney, who apparently can read minds as well as kick serious ass, glances at Sloane and says, "You think we should steal the sword." Dix pipes up that the fictional Hasunaga Museum is one of the most secure in the world and, if he were running this op, there's only one man he'd trust to get them inside.

Marshall J. Flinkman. Esquire.

That's right. It's obviously time for some comic relief, because we shoot on over to Oops Center, where Marshall and Agent Sean are just hanging out, shooting the shit, discussing how depressing the place is now that all the fun ass-kicking people have left. Marshall performs his trademark humorous blabbering, going on and on about how the whole team is gone and the only one left is Sark, and that's only because he's in custody, and how he hates that guy, although he did go visit him twice, just to see a familiar face, and they had eggs. That's right. Marshall and Sark had eggs. Together. While Sark was in custody. Now THAT'S a flashback I'd like to see. "Don't do that," snits Agent Sean, all emotional and shit because his boyfriend Vaughn has left him behind.

At the end of the day, as Marshall's heading to his car juggling all sorts of geek stuff, a couple of black cars screech up. A bunch of "federal agents" get out of the cars and arrest Marshall for misuse of company property or some such shit, but we already know this is just a trumped-up charge to get Marshall into the Apple Store. The next thing we see is Marshall being led into the Apple Store with a hood over his head as he blabbles about downloading maps or something. The agents park Marshall in front of the waiting group of Apple Store employees and remove his hood. He looks around. "Am I dead?" Hee. Syd just smiles and tells him he's been recruited to run the IT division of the Apple Store. Sloane walks up and manages to look menacing, even though he barely comes up to the shoulders of the rest of his team. Marshall sees him and hilariously leans into Syd. "Um, Syd?" he whispers. "Slooooanne is heeeere." Hee. "We know," says Syd with mock seriousness. Hee hee. This whole scene makes me laugh out loud. I don't care how contrived it is. It just tickles me. So, Marshall's hired! He hugs Syd and says, "We're back!" And how, brother.

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