Alias
Authorized Personnel Only, Part II

Episode Report Card
Erin: C | 3 USERS: B-
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Double Your Premiere, Double Your Fun

Commercial three thousand and twenty-two.

Back at the Rio safe house, the boys are trying to figure out how to find Sydney. Vaughn pipes up that they should contact Nadia, because she has intel on Rick Yune that they can use. Sloane's all, dude. My daughter hates me and everything I stand for. She's totally not gonna help us. Jack's all, come on! My kid's doin' it! Yours should too! Vaughn's all, I'll handle this. I'll make her help us. Where the hell is she? The next thing we see is Nadia, walking near a fountain. Her cell rings and it's Vaughn on the other end. He tells her that Sydney's alive, that Vadik and Rick Yune are one and the same, and that they don't know if Sydney is, indeed, alive. "If she is, you're her only hope," he says. Way to put on the pressure, dude. Nadia quickly tells him about a location where Rick Yune used to run an operation, and Vaughn asks her for details.

While they're working out how to rescue Sydney, Sydney herself is waking up and realizing she's strapped to a chair in a drippy subbasement somewhere. Rick Yune's there, and he wants to know "what happened to the deal?" Syd's all, what? Huh? The hell? He leans closer to her, gets right up next to her ear, and says, "What. Happened. To the. Deal?" Syd's all, I'm. Not. Deaf. I. Just. Don't. Know. What. You're. Talking. About. "Before you leave this room," Rick Yune says as he fondles some sharp implements, "you will tell me why." Why what? I don't know. "I might," quips Sydney. "I'm relatively open-minded. But in this case, I don't know what the hell you're talking about." "Have you eaten breakfast?" Rick Yune non-sequiturs. "Why? You wanna grab something?" Syd shoots back. Hee. For some reason, Sydney having breakfast makes Rick Yune want to…not torture her yet or something. I don't know. He says something about breakfast and walks off, leaving Syd to wonder if a cup of sadness and a plate of hate constitute breakfast.

And then we're on to the Nadia Show, complete with a now super-hot-looking Nadia (Mia Maestro is pretty much always hot-looking, but you add some strappy sandals and a set of hot rollers, and girlfriend is smokin'), doing her variation on the Bristow/Derevko strut down the hallway of what looks to be a meat-packing plant. Elsewhere in the plant, a slimy-looking guy with a ponytail is making his way around several frozen carcasses. Ew. Nadia puts on a coat of lipstick. She sexes her way around to where Ponytail is and catches his eye, offering her best "Wanna screw?" expression. Ponytail comes over and wonders where she's been for the last three months. She just responds that it took longer than she thought to find him the perfect birthday present. Namely, her.

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Alias

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