Previously on Alias: I wasn't drinking. And then I was. And the show was bad. And then I wanted to kill myself. And then kill J.J. Abrams.
In all seriousness, the only thing worth mentioning in the previouslys is the regurgitation of the scene between Vaughn and Syd where Vaughn shows her his father's watch and mentions how it stopped the day they met. Oh, man. This again? His watch stopped the day he met the love of his life? Please. You know it's bad when they're dragging out footage from Season 2. God. We also get a replay of the Syd/Vaughn kiss from Korea. Which, watching it again, seems to have little to no chemistry in it whatsoever. Like, at one point, she misses his lips entirely and winds up kissing him just below his nose. The hell? What, so Vartan and Garner started dating and now their two characters have all the heat of a Jell-O salad? Whatever.
After the previouslys, we open on a cell phone, buzzing on a table in the dark. The light goes on, and we see that we're in the Elephants' bedroom and it's Lauren's phone that's ringing. Vaughn, for some reason, is just sitting there. Like, he was sitting there, in the dark, doing nothing, and then her phone went off and she turned on the light. Um. That's just creepy. My old roommate and I got into a total giggle fit this one time when we started riffing on the idea of me, just sleeping in my bed, suddenly waking up to him, just standing at the end, naked. I'd be all, dude? What the --? And he'd be all, shhh. Did you pay the phone bill? Or, shhh. Do we have any milk for coffee? Or, shhh. Is it okay if I take out the garbage tomorrow night instead of tomorrow morning? And then he'd just…leave. Heh. We kept concocting these ever more bizarre scenarios until we actually had to separate from each other to stop laughing so hard. It should be noted that we were most definitely very, very high at the time.
My point is, Vaughn sitting in the dark? Weird. Lauren thinks so too, because after she turns off her phone she's all, honey? What're you doing? Vaughn says something about how his father used to hate waiting for appointments. He's fiddling with a watch as he says this. The Strings of Hey, Remember That Dad Watch Scene strike up as Vaughn continues talking about his dad's stringent appointment-keeping habits. Just why is he rambling about all this, you may ask? Well, because he was looking for his house keys and stumbled upon this, his dad's watch. Lauren doesn't really acknowledge the watch, nor its importance to Vaughn, and instead just asks him why he was looking for his house keys. Vaughn kind of looks down at her for a moment, an odd expression skirting around his forehead wrinkles. The wrinkles are emoting something, people; I'm just not sure what. If I had to guess, I'd say that he's surprised his own wife is so out of touch with him and his emotions that she can't even remember the goddamn anniversary of his father's death, nor how goddamn important his Watch Of Eternal Sydney Love has become to him. But that's just me. Vaughn just looks sadly at the watch and says he couldn't sleep, so he was just gonna go for a run. She asks him what time it is, and he just tells her he doesn't know because the watch is broken. AND SO IS HIS HEART. She asks him if he's okay, and he just tells her he's fine. They kiss, and he heads out for his run.
Oops Center. Everyone's hanging out, looking at Marshall's baby pictures. God. Welcome to the Parade of Baby Pictures. I hate this parade. There's no beer, you can't throw streamers, and nobody dyes the river green. Oh, and you have to pretend the babies are cute, even when it's a well-known fact that some babies? Just aren't. "All babies are cute!" you may shriek. But you will be wrong. Some babies should NOT have their pictures taken until they are completely cooked. Some babies just look…raw. Ew.