Alias
Bob

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 2 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Rachel went to São Paulo and all we got was this lousy episode.

They carry on a thinly veiled conversation in which they both talk about their real jobs without ever actually saying what they really do and it's amusing to see Sark try to be human and Rachel try to have fun, but the scene itself doesn't really propel the plot, so let's just get to the face-sucking, shall we? After the bar chat, they head up to their rooms and a small goodnight kiss leads to a big goodnight kiss and the next thing we know, Sark's moving Rachel to her door, asking if she has the key, and she's all (kiss kiss smack smack), uh, no! We can't go in there! Because all my equipment's still set up and then you'll know what I really do! And then they move across the hall to Sark's room, where Rachel slams him up against his door and asks why they can't go in his room and he's like, well, uh, no, because all MY stuff is out, oh wait, I'm a neat freak and a professional, so, hell YEAH we can go in my room, because you won't even know what in the hell I do anyway!

They stumble back into his room and have this fabulously sexy scene that has them both twisting and turning and moaning and ripping each others clothes off and they have more chemistry with each other in this one thirty-second scene than Sark and Lauren had during the entire latter half of Season Three. I'm sorry, but it's true. Later on, after the horizontal mambo, Rachel's running her hands all over Sark's smoothly tanned torso and saying that she doesn't make a habit of this. He says he doesn't either. He's a liar. He's also a good kisser. At least, he looks like one. But maybe I'm out of practice. He asks her if she wants something to drink and gets out of bed to go get it. She lounges in bed for all of two seconds before she starts going through his shit on the nightstand. There's a watch, a passport with "Bob Brown" as the name and a ticket to the Bahamas.

Suddenly, Rachel's PDA starts beeping. She leaps out of bed and starts throwing on her clothes. Sark comes out of the bathroom and says something about being in the tropics so how about some rum and then he sees her and he's like, uh, dude? She says she forgot how early her flight is and he says, "What're you talkin' about? We got a couple of hours!" Aw. He wants more of the poontang. Rachel makes some more excuses and Sark sees his computer beeping and suddenly he's all, oh, yeah! Uh, you should TOTALLY GO NOW. She kisses him on the cheek. "Bob, it's been --" "Yeah, it has," he says, practically shoving her out the door. Hee. Rachel heads back to her room and immediately calls Marshall to tell him about the transmission. She hits a button on her computer and starts the upload and Marshall says he'll get right on it.

Apple Store. Syd and Rachel are just hanging out in one of the conference rooms. Syd tells her she did a great job and that Marshall's almost done analyzing the transmission. Then Syd's like, duuuude? Why are you glowing? You're GLOWING. Rachel's all, NO I'M NOT. Syd's like, spit it out. What'd you do? Rachel's like, uh, it's more like who'd I do? She tells Syd all about Bob Brown and how great he is and Syd's like, so, you gonna see him again? Rachel looks at Syd like she has lips made of cotton candy and is like, uh, dude? He thinks I'm a British engineer named Lydia. I don't think we're meeting up anytime soon. "Guess what happens in Brazil, stays in Brazil," says Syd.

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Alias

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