Alias
Cipher

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Careless Memories

Previously on Alias: We were tortured by an achingly slow musical interlude involving Bob Dylan and his squeaky guitar. That pretty much wiped out any other memories of that show I might have retained.

Agent Sean gives us the voice-over once-over yet again. We get it. Are they gonna do this damn montage EVERY time? God. I'm already irritated, and it's only three seconds into the episode. Before we join the current episode, we're treated to a re-introduction of my ex-boyfriend Sark as he shoots down those guys in the warehouse. I'm guessing this scene is being shown so that when Sark shows up later in the episode, the members of the audience who haven't spent the last year of their lives drooling over any mention of David Anders will know just who in the hell Sark is. All I know is, my new boyfriend Viggo Mortensen was less than pleased when he found several pairs of Sark's plaid boxers shoved into the back of one of my dresser drawers. Viggo should count his blessings that he didn't come across the SCARY underwear. Shhh, Viggo. Your sweetie-pie is working.

Right. So we have to follow Sydney while she takes The Double Agent Requires Special Three-Hour Covert Entry route to the Operations Center. This is done primarily to remind us all of just how secret the Operations Center is and, more importantly, to illustrate that Jennifer Garner is indeed in TOP physical condition. Seriously. She and Madonna should go one-on-one. I'd put my money on Madonna, but that's only because I think she was born with a natural rage that Jenny just ain't got. And, besides, Madge has to wrassle with Guy on a regular basis, so her dirty tricks are probably well honed.

Syd makes it into the Ops Center, and Kendall greets her with far more warmth than he's EVER shown her, even thanking her for making it in on such short notice. And now, for those of you out there keeping count, Kendall offers us our first mention of how difficult it must have been for Sydney to speak with her mother last week. That's Number One, people. Make a list. There are more coming.

Kendall says something about how, even though it was rough for Syd, she'll have to agree that the intel Irina offered was well worth it. "I thought so," says Syd rather smugly. "Until an hour ago." Kendall's all, whuh? Syd's all, yeah, that camera you had me steal from Fjordson's lab while sporting the Betty Page wig? It's an early prototype, you balding dingbat. The real camera's scheduled to be launched into orbit in just seventy-two hours.

Kendall quietly picks up a headset and chews on it, then requests that someone shove one of their high-tech PDAs directly up his ass. Then he asks Syd just who in the HELL is launching this camera into space? We pay a visit to The Conference Room Of Endless Expositions as Sloane answers Kendall's question. "The Asiatic Space Agency," he says. And, yes, it's "Asiatic," not "Adriatic." Ron Rifkin has excellent diction, and there is no "d" anywhere in that sentence.

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Alias

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