Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: A
Dream On

Sloane, trying to buy some time, calmly asks Head why the trade should even go on. Why not just let the Covenant end her life? "Because I want assurance," says Penis Head, "that Sydney Bristow is eliminated." Sloane's all, oh ho ho! I see! She's got somethin' on you, you duplicitous bastard! Penis Head doesn't respond, instead saying something to the effect that if Syd's hit by a sniper, it'll appear as if it's a Covenant double cross. Sloane's all, oh, okay, fine. Whatever. But how do I know this isn't some form of entrapment? Penis Head stands and moves over to Sloane. "Because I know what you're up to, Mr. Sloane," he says. "I can see your big picture. I know your endgame." He takes an envelope out of his inner coat pocket. "I even have proof." He hands the envelope to Sloane, and Sloane opens it. It's a piece of paper, which Sloane unfolds. We don't see what's on it, but I'm thinking that it's either a Xeroxed copy of a photo of his dead wife, now remarkably alive, or maybe a shot of Sloane wearing a turban in the desert in front of the Lost Ark of the Covenant screaming as fire and brimstone bubble up through his being and shoot out at the Nazis scattered below him. Or maybe it's just "I KNOW YOUR ENDGAME" in big block letters. Yeah. That's it. Penis Head tells Sloane that he'll call him with the details once the trade's arranged. He walks off, leaving Sloane to contemplate his future as a turban-wearing holy relic stealer.

Oops Center. The next day, I think, who knows, Lauren's at her desk, looking for Swedish porn on her computer, when Marshall walks up and drops a file on her desk. That DNA from the Kremlin she asked him to test? Yeah. It's a match. The hand belongs to LazaifyouthinkI'msexy. Lauren gets on the horn to Jack and tells him the good news. "Sydney didn't kill him," she says. "Lindsay has nothing on her. Which means Sydney can come home." Aw. Poor naïve Lauren. Syd can't come home until she goes into another dream state, finds out what happened to her, has a little bitch fight with an imaginary figure that greatly resembles, well, YOU, and then makes out some more WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

Dream Sequence, Part the Second. Syd's in an old-fashioned car with Dix at the wheel. She looks beautiful, in a jeweled sweater with her hair all messy. Dix asks if she's still asleep. Syd says she thinks she is. She runs her fingers over a raised name on the dashboard. The name is St. Aidan. Syd says she's never heard of a "St. Aidan." Dix says they're hard to find. He stops the car and reminds Syd not to forget the case. She moves to get out of the car and we see that she's holding the metal box that Lazarickitickitavi's hand was in.

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