Alias
Conscious

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Dream On

Jack resignedly walks off and Lauren stands. "So, I was an idiot," she says. "Was"? Lauren goes on to blah blah about how Vaughn tried to warn her about Head and how she didn't listen and how she just follows the rules and, yeah, I feel sorry for her and all, but shut up already and let's get to the non-invasive therapy, okay? Jack saves us from anymore Lauren-speak by telling Syd that he and she should hit the road. Syd and Lauren share a smile and then Syd walks over to her father. He's all, you told me on the chopper that you gave Head some false coordinates. What were they? Syd's all, I have no idea. Somewhere in Simi Valley?

We cut quickly to Circus Liquors in Simi Valley, where dozens of cops and SWAT guys are pulling up and unloading with guns in tow. Hee. Over in Oops Center, Head's phone rings and he picks up. The voice on the other end informs him that the location is a liquor store and that it's clean. Head's all, CHECK IT AGAIN! The voice is all, dude? It's a fucking LIQUOR STORE. I think we've been played and the boys and I are gonna pick up a couple forties and hit the bowling alley. Head's all, DON'T TELL ME WE'VE BEEN PLAYED WHEN I SAY CHECK IT AGAIN I MEAN IT EVEN THOUGH I'M A BIG PENIS HEAD WHO HAS NO RIGHT TO LIVE!

San Andreas Fault of Buried Treasure. A car pulls up, and Jack and Syd get out and good holy GOD what is ON Victor Garber's head? I mean, I realize he's in the desert and everything, but wouldn't a baseball cap have sufficed? He looks like a Japanese gardener over here! Anyway, he and Syd grab their gear, including a metal detector, and head over to the coordinates. Syd's all, what if what we're looking for ain't metal? "Then we're screwed," says Jack, not without some humor. "Not an unfamiliar situation." Heh. Syd turns on the metal detector and it starts beeping.

As they walk up some hills, Jack tries to convince Syd that Sloane might just be on the up and up by telling her that Sloane jumped in front of a bullet to save Jack's life. Syd's all, dude? The man KILLED MY FIANCÉ, okay? I don't trust him and I can't believe you don't feel the same. Jack's all, hey, leave my feelings outta this okay? First of all, I only have two feelings: love for you and hatred for anyone else who gets in the way of that love. Second of all, since Sloane conspired with us to deceive the NSC, he's given us all the ammunition we'd ever need to invalidate his pardon agreement. So, like, he's in our pocket, so to speak. "He's put his life in our hands," Jack says as they reach the crest of a hill. "And as far as breaking you out, yours was in his." Syd's too busy listening to the metal detector beep off the charts to pay attention. They both start digging.

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Alias

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