Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?

Dix pulls out his little explosive device, sets it, and informs GOTG that there's enough C-4 in there to make a nice dent in this corner of Cartagena. Syd comes around the corner just then and is all, DUUUUDE! What're you DOING? And we're back where we started at the beginning of this recap. Vaughn takes aim, but before he can blow off Dix's head, GOTG gives up the location of the Holocaust Heart. Dix backs off as the counter on the C-4 counts down to zero aaaaannnnd...nothing happens. Dix looks over at Syd. "I cut the primer cord," he says, breathing heavily. "I'm not THAT desperate." Hee. That cracked me up for some reason.

Syd and all the boys head over to the container with the Holocaust Heart and fling open the doors. They come upon a metal suitcase as NNNSA announces that they have a little over two minutes to prevent the destruction of the world. Gee, not to put any pressure on anyone or anything...

After about four hours of commercials, we check back in with Grasshoppah as he's opening a slat in the floor and pulling out a box with the Eye of Rambaldi carved into the top. "Thirty years ago," he rasps, "I could only tell you so much. The information had to come to you over time or you would not have understood." Grasshoppah pulls out a bunch of different Rambaldi documents as he talks. "Certain events...needed to unfold. According to Rambaldi's writings, your wife's death, although unfortunate, was a necessary step on your journey." Sloane's all, oh, okay, Yoda In The Temple. You knew my wife was gonna die and you didn't TELL ME? Grasshoppah's all, dude? What'd I just say about shit needing to unfold? Huh? What'd I say? He pulls a long wooden container out of the box, stands, and says, "If I had [told you about your wife], I could not have given you this." He holds out the container. Sloane's all, what, an ancient Rambaldi pencil box? Fuck you, hippie.

Back at The Cargo Container Of Chaos, the Delta Force dudes announce that there's no sign of radioactivity or anything on the silver suitcase, so can they, like, open it already? With nineteen seconds left 'til the end of the world, Jack instructs the Delta leader to open it.

Back again with Grasshoppah and Satan Sloane. Grasshopper holds the case out to Sloane. "You can always choose to ignore it," he whispers. Sloane's all, ignore it? I don't THINK so.

Back with The Cargo Container Of Chaos, the Delta leader opens the case. NNNSA wants to know if he can deactivate it. Nope, says the Delta leader. 'Cuz it ain't a bomb. The rest of the crew creeps up behind him to get a look at the thing. Jack's all, what is it? Well, if I had to come up with a description, Jack, I'd say it's a clear plastic model of a human heart with a pulsating red glow stick shoved up inside it. But that's just me. NNNSA instructs the Delta leader to not answer Jack, and to shut the case and get that thing back to the CIA pronto. Yeah. Because bringing the Holocaust Heart to AMERICA would be a good idea.

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