Alias
Countdown

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?

Syd's all, you shoulda called me first, dude. Vaughn's all, uh, are you the boss of me? Syd's all, well, no, but -- Vaughn's all, I'm sorry, ARE YOU THE BOSS OF ME? Because I don't recall seeing the memo wherein I'm instructed to GET YOUR PERMISSION to do my DAMN JOB. Hee. Syd's all, oh, you are SO not getting laid later. Vaughn's all, yeah, because THAT'S a real threat. I'm trying to protect Dixon, you dipshit. Syd's all, he's saved my life more times than I can count! Not to mention all those times he's saved my duplicitous double agent ASS when I flailed on SD-6 missions! Vaughn's all, look. I get that you and Dix have personal stakes in nabbing Sloane, okay? But it can also cloud your judgment. Syd's all, oh, man, I fucking HATE it when you patronize me. And haven't we been down this road before? Huh? I'm a fucking CIA agent, you pisher! My judgment is NEVER clouded! I mean, except for those times when I was, you know, checking out your butt down in The Subbasement Of Dreams And Desires. But NEVER outside of those times! "All right, look," snaps Vaughn, "this conversation's over. I stand by my decision." Hee. A real Spy Love Fight! Hee.

A Brilliantly Executed CGI Version Of Nepal. A sherpa named Bob is leading Sloane along a path near some mountains projected onto a bluescreen. Sloane wants to trek to the north summit. Bob the Sherpa ain't so sure about that. Sloane offers to pay Bob the Sherpa double the amount agreed upon. Bob the Sherpa declines, saying that people that go to the north summit don't return the same. What, is the north summit just a fancy way of saying "rhinoplasty" or something? Sloane leaves Bob the Sherpa behind and makes his way toward the bluescreen of snowcapped peaks.

Casa De Chick Chansons. Syd opens her front door, and her boyfriend's outside, his tail between his legs. He's sorry. She's sorry. He's cute. She's cute. Vaughn tells her that Dix's tests came back negative. This is a surprise to Syd, who knows damn well that Dixon has more Vicodin running through his veins than Carrie Fisher during Under the Rainbow. Vaughn asks if they're okay, and Syd, her hair giving off an almost hallucinogenic sheen, tells him they're fine. They embrace as Syd ponders the reality of Dixon passing his drug test.

Dixon's Domicile Of Depression. Syd, having raced right over after making the beast with two backs with her boyfriend, enters Dixon's living room. She informs him that he passed the drug test. Dix gets this look on his face that's like, "Oh, fuck." Syd asks him if he switched the results. Dix tells her that he did. Syd starts to go all self-righteous on his ass, but Dix gasps that Sloane murdered his wife and he has to make him pay for that. Syd tells him that Dr. Nancy wants to see her. Dix is frantic. "You can't tell her!" he says. "If they find out I doctored my tests, I'll never work for the government again!" Well, really, Dix, would you even want to? They haven't exactly been, you know, GOOD to you or anything. "How will I take care of my kids?" he continues. "Sydney, I don't know how to do this without Diane!" Wow. Emmy? Park it right over here in Lumbly's hands, people. Syd gets the hell out of there, not sure how to deal with the situation.

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Alias

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