Alias
Crossings

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Sniff sniff. Do you smell ass?

Speaking of daughters, Syd's locked up in that Korean prison we saw at the beginning of the episode. She's not making out with Vaughn, though. I think that's coming up later. Instead, we get a protracted sequence wherein some Korean general or something basically yells, shrieks, shouts, and screams at them in Korean, obviously wanting something very, very important from them. There's also some general brutality and abuse in the form of gun-butting and kicking. Just get to the kissing already, okay? Finally, Griffin weasels up and basically rats out Syd and Vaughn, telling the Korean general guy that they're CIA. Griffin says he'll tell them everything. What a rat-faced turdbrain he is. They cart him off, and the remaining guards kick the shit out of Syd and Vaughn.

The guards leave, and Syd and Vaughn turn to each other and embrace. Yes, it's very sweet. No, they don't kiss yet. Yes, I wish this episode were over already. No, it's really, really not. We have to go to Zurich first so that Jack can kill Sloane. Except that, yet again, Sloane's one of the major characters, so the actual threat of Jack killing him is kind of half-assed and transparent. It's about as flimsy as Ben Affleck's excuses for why he ain't married to J. Lo yet.

We get a shot of Jack in his car, checking his gun. Then he enters Sloane's building and tells the receptionist that he has an appointment with Uncle Arvin. The receptionist informs Sloane that Jack's there. We cut to another set of commercials, which means I only have about five more minutes of this episode to recap, which actually means the episode itself was only about forty minutes long. AND IT'S STILL ABOUT THIRTY MINUTES TOO LONG FOR MY COMFORT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

After the break, we catch a glimpse of Jack on a closed-circuit monitor as Isabella watches him. She picks up a phone and dials, asking for Arvin Sloane. Sloane picks up in his office, and Isabella greets him. She's all, dude? I assume you know who this is. He's all, yep. Can't mistake the dulcet tones of Ingrid Bergman's daughter, can I? Isabella tells Sloane to back off Irina. Sloane's all, why, what do you mean by that, my dear? Isabella's all, no matter how protected you think you are, you're not. "Even from your friends," she says. "Even from the one you're about to see." Sloane kind of looks around, aware that Jack's his next appointment. "Your continued life is a favor," says Isabella. "From me." She hangs up and then makes another call. Jack picks up. Isabella tells him to abort the assassination and that she'll explain later. Jack goes in to see Sloane.

Sloane's just calmly waiting for him. He wants to know if Jack reconsidered his offer to help Sydney. Jack's all, uh, no, um, I, uh, see, I was supposed to come in here and kill you and, well, now that that's been called off, I don't really...how's it hangin'? They kind of blah blah back and forth; what they actually say doesn't really matter, since both of them know that one of them was supposed to die at the hands of the other. It's death prevention small talk at the moment. Jack tells Sloane that they're working on getting Syd out of Korea. Sloane's all, you flew all the way to Zurich to tell me that? Jack's all, oh, yeah, good point. I, uh, I had a meeting! That's it! I had a meeting around the corner and just thought I'd drop by! I wasn't coming to kill you or anything! Nope! Not me! Sloane just says something about SD-6 and some meeting in Berlin and how K-Directorate made an attempt on his life. "You never forget what that feels like," says Sloane. "To barely escape with your life." Of course, he's not really talking about Berlin, is he? "I have a plane to catch," says Jack with his trademark stoicism. "Then you should go," says Sloane, looking like he's ready to catch the bullet between the eyes. It doesn't come. Instead, Jack just leaves. Sloane looks after him all, phew! That was close!

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