Alias
Crossings

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Sniff sniff. Do you smell ass?

We switch to an exterior shot of Jack walking toward a really lovely fountain where Isabella's waiting for him. Jack states that Isabella warned Sloane about the hit, and that whatever trust Jack had established with Sloane over the past three months has been destroyed. What Jack can't figure out is how this helps Irina or Isabella. "One day, when you least expect it," Isabella says, "Irina's intentions will present themselves to you. And when that day comes, I promise you, they will be unmistakable." "Thank you for helping Sydney," Jack says grudgingly. "Isn't that what family's for?" quips Isabella. She leans forward and kisses Jack lightly on the lips. "That was from Irina," she says saucily. There's a pause. Then she full-on launches herself at Jack and lays a long, deep, wet one on him, complete with her hands all over his face. Jack sort of doesn't know what to do, and then it comes back to him quickly and he puts his hands on her waist and really gets into the kiss. Heh.

Suddenly, Isabella pulls back, sort of like if she didn't stop herself now, they'd go a LOT further. Jack just stares at her, slack-jawed, with lipstick all over his face. Oh, hee. Hee hee hee. "And who was that from?" he manages to snit. Isabella just gets this hilarious expression on her face as if he was chewing Juicyfruit and she now has his piece of gum rolling around in her mouth. She closes her eyes in exasperation and just says, "Too many questions." Then she walks off, taking Jack's dignity and libido with her. Jack just stares after her, not knowing which end is up. Hee hee hee. And, ladies and gentlemen, we have the fifth and final high point of this otherwise totally dreckful episode.

You know, even though I thought this episode sucked, I still really love this show. Wanna know why? Because of the actors. I love love love them. No matter how horrible an episode might be, they're always stellar and always fun to watch, and seeing as this is the case, I'd really, REALLY like the next new episode to NOT make me want to strangle kittens with my bare hands and run screaming into traffic with a balloon animal on my head. REALLY.

Next on Alias: We have yet another break, this time for three weeks. Isn't it bad enough that this episode sucked donkey balls? Now we have to wait three weeks in order for these dumb-asses to redeem themselves! Life's too short. I'm moving to Kauai and selling pukka shell necklaces to fat guys named Floyd.

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Alias

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