Alias
Crossings

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Sniff sniff. Do you smell ass?

Looks like Sark's the guy Arnold's sending in to intercept the defector. Sark wants to know who their man at the CIA is and if his intel is reliable. Arnold's not talking. He goes to leave. Sark bitches at him that it's his $800 million bucks funding the Covenant's current operations, and at the moment, Sark's finding the Covenant unreliable, disorganized, sloppy, and, well, disrespectful to its benefactors, really. Arnold's all, dude? You want me to tell that to my superiors? Sark's all, uh, yeah, sure. Whatever. Arnold's all, you're going to North Korea, dude. Suck it up, order a vodka tonic, eat some peanuts, fondle the stewardess, and do a whole lot of shutting the hell up. Sark's all, yay! Peanuts!

Meanwhile, on Afterlife Airlines, the two pilots are starting to cough and sweat and generally look like they've ingested some bad tuna salad. In the back of the plane, Syd and Vaughn are sitting opposite each other, not talking. Syd finally asks Vaughn what he's reading. He's snips that he's reading Calvino. I have no idea who that is, and I'm not looking it up, either. Syd asks if Vaughn has reviewed the file. "Of course I reviewed the file," he snaps. Wow. Spy Daddy told him to avoid being overly kind to Sydney; he did NOT command him to be a complete and utter asshole. FYI, Vaughn: Syd's a black belt. I'd watch the 'tude if I were you. Syd's all, this SO isn't gonna work, dude. Vaughn's all, what's not gonna work? Syd's all, dude? What have I done to you to make you act like such a horse's ASS? Vaughn's all, I don't have a problem with you! What's YOUR problem?

Oh, Lord. This scene is totally unnecessary and actually kind of beneath the actors. Basically? Vaughn's being a dick and Syd's calling him on it. There's a lot of back-and-forth about how she's been trying to make the best out of this ridiculous situation, and he's sick and tired of trying to put on a happy face and pretend that everything's okay. Syd's had enough. She's about to get up and go...well, I don't know where, really -- I mean, it's a fucking plane. Where's she going? Whatever. She just spits something about how when they get back, one of them has got to go, because this working together at the CIA thing is NOT happening. As soon as she gets up, however, the plane lists and then starts to dive.

Syd and Vaughn make their way to the cockpit and discover that the pilots are dead. Vaughn carts the pilots out as Syd tries to take control of the plane. Vaughn says something about being in North Korean airspace and how they have to abort. Um, weren't they in North Korean airspace just a minute before with the pilots at the helm? They didn't have to abort then, so why should they now? Oh, hell, maybe the little nosedive they took put them in the airspace. I don't really give a flying fuck. Some heat-seeking missiles come after the plane. Ooooh. Suspense! Will they survive? Well, seeing as we started the episode with Syd and Vaughn on the ground and not in the air and that's less than seventy-two hours away, I'd say, yeah. Yeah, they fucking survive.

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Alias

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