Alias
Crossings

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Sniff sniff. Do you smell ass?

Disney Backlot 481. Syd determines that they've outrun the Koreans for the moment, so they stop. She wants to fix Vaughn's arm. Yawn. She wraps medical tape around it as he watches her. When she finishes the wrapping, she kind of smacks his arm with it, and he winces. "That's for being a jerk on the plane," she says. Heh. Another of the only high points in the show. If you're counting, I think that's Number Two. Vaughn ignores the jerk comment and just thanks her for the medical attention. Syd surmises that they've got seven hours to get to the meet, so they'd better find some form of ground transportation. Vaughn passes her a look. Syd's all, what now? Vaughn's all, nuthin'. Oh, whatever. This whole scene is unnecessary. I mean, what? Does Vaughn have polio or something? He can't wrap his OWN wound? No reason for this scene. What. So. Ever.

Syd's Killer Apartment of Honeyed Woodness. Jack's chillin' at the kitchen counter, reading Little Altars Everywhere or something and doing all sorts of damage to a nice black turtleneck sweater. Seriously. There's nothing sexier than a man who can wear a black turtleneck sweater. Or any color turtleneck sweater, really. Especially if that man is Victor Garber. The dude can wear clothes, my friends. And he can wear them well. The shoulders on this man? A crime, people. A CRIME.

Anyway, there's a knock at the door. Jack goes to answer it. Outside, a figure hidden in shadow says, "Jack Bristow." Oh, hell. You know it's Isabella Rossellini, right? Well, it's Isabella Rossellini. And she looks good. I mean, she's got some puffiness under her eyes and she looks her age and everything, but she's still one hell of a looker. Winona? Gwyneth? Jennifer? Yeah. Take a number, sisters; you should only DREAM of looking as awesome as Isabella when you get to be her age. So, Isabella enters and tells him that Syd and Vaughn are alive. Jack's all, who the hell are you? Isabella's all, dude? Mebbe you should be asking me what you need to do in return for my help here. Jack just makes this hilarious face and is all, yeah, I was gonna get to that. Isabella's all, dude? I'll get you your kid and her boyfriend back safely if you do one eensy-weensy favor for me. "I need you to kill Arvin Sloane," she says. Jack looks like Isabella just asked him to taste a vegetarian lasagna Alfredo made with soymilk and non-gluten wheat noodles.

I think I'm hungry.

Oops Center. Lauren's busy at her computer, checking Hot Jobs for such available positions as Head Pain in the Ass, First Assistant Angry Brows, and Junior Executive Waste of Time. Weiss walks up and tells Lauren that Syd and Vaughn survived. There's a beat where Lauren almost looks like she's gonna go, "What? That goddamn sniper! I told him to take the pilots out! Oh, man. Well, just goes to show you: you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself." Instead, she just hugs Weiss gratefully and then looks off into a corner of the room so that all of us can watch as she quickly turns off her "concerned wife" face and flicks the switch on her "duplicitous bitch" expression. You know, just in case we weren't aware of how eeeeeevil she is.

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Alias

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