I am not a child of divorce.
My parents were married -- sometimes happily, sometimes not so much -- up until the day my father passed away. I tell you this not so you gain an insight into the inner workings of my mind, but so you understand that while I can absolutely sympathize with the plight of a child of parents divided, I most certainly can't empathize. I simply have no basis for comparison. Having to split time between two households, being forced to compartmentalize my affections for two parents who might very often be at odds with each other, having to choose between a mother and a father, as no child should have to do -- these concepts are alien to me.
So, if during the course of this recap, I tread the path of blind misunderstanding when it comes to the vagaries of the world of divorce, I hope you'll take my past into consideration and not think too lowly of me.
That being said, Sydney's family is ROYALLY fucked up.
Yes, Viggo, your family is royally fucked up too. No one cares. Just look pretty and don't talk so much.
Previously on Alias, Sydney went swimming in sub-zero waters and wound up licking the surface of the ice from the WRONG side.
We open up at The Fortress Of Solitude's Annual Ice Capades And Snow Pageant, and Syd is this year's Solitude Snow Queen. She's swirling around under the ice where we left her last, slamming her non-eiderdown gloves up against the glassy surface, obviously thinking that a couple of neat little tap-tap-taps will release her from her icy prison. Never mind that; if we were dealing with the real world here, Syd would already be dead. I mean, suspension of disbelief is a staple of behavior with this show, as we are all aware, but the extended synchronized swimming routine that Sydney's performing in the sub-zero temps of the water is pretty much pushing my ability to suspend jack-SHIT right over the cliffs of Dover.
So, even though the temperatures are so low out here in Siberia that, if you fall through the ice into the water, the ice will just scoot itself right back over the water in four seconds flat, we're supposed to ignore the laws of physics or nature or, like, whatever, and totally buy that Syd can hang out in the water for as long as she wants, her silky brown locks floating around her like water wings. Apparently, we're all irretrievably stupid.
Anyway, Syd's frantically looking around for an exit tunnel or slide or her other synchronized swimming team members, but instead finds one of the guys that Dixon shot through the ice at the end of the last ep. Cold Dead Guy is drifting down through the water, toward the supposed bottomless depths. Syd paddles her way over to him, dives down, grabs Cold Dead Guy's breathing apparatus, takes a hit, grabs his gun, and shoots through the ice, creating a hole for her to climb through. Christ Almighty. I don't do that much when it's FIFTY degrees outside, let alone FIFTY DEGREES BELOW ZERO. AND UNDER WATER.