Alias
Double Agent

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Let's Get It Awwwwn

A couple of lab-coated guys (they are SO not doctors) are administering some tests that would go over fairly well on an alien spaceship. One of them fires up the needles, and they start shooting toward Ethan's pupils. Ew. Hilary Swank slinks in and starts kicking lab coat ass. Where'd she come from? Shouldn't she be off somewhere pushing her boobs up in a corseted period piece so that people will finally, once and for all, recognize that she's a GIRL and not a BOY?

Regina: Yeah. Whatever happened to Hilary Swank, anyway?
Wendy Kroy: She's off on some Caribbean island trying to shake off the first-time Oscar winner curse.
Regina: Oh, right. Along with all the Best Supporting Actresses and their curses. Mira Sorvino just went off to find a couple more mai-tais.
Wendy Kroy: And Marcia Gay Harden's waxing the surfboards while Tatum O'Neal makes sure the bong's fully loaded.
Regina: Marisa Tomei was there until not too long ago, wasn't she?
Wendy Kroy: Yeah. She was in charge of snacks.
Regina: Right.

Oh, sorry. I guess it's not Hilary Swank doing the ass-kicking; it's really Syd. She disposes of the lab coats rather quickly and frees Good Ethan, who starts sputtering that he can't see. We can, buddy, and gross eye experiment or no, you still look damn fine to us. Syd checks out some vial on a tray and discovers that the lab coats used a photo-reactive acid on Good Ethan's eyes. She wraps his eyes with gauze so the light won't bother him as we switch over to Sergeant So Fine and his heart-attack quarry. Jezek's at a computer. He types something in and announces that Vaughn's in the system. Vaughn then slams his elbow into Jezek's face (call me crazy, but I just LOVE it when Vaughn gets to be a bad ass), knocking him out. Then he shoves another needle into Jezek's neck, probably the antidote or whatever to the original crap he stuck in there. Vaughn click-clacks at the computer.

Liquid Syd and Good Ethan race pell-mell down the hallway. Good Ethan's all, what happened to Agent D'Overbite? Syd's all, hang on, I just have to kick a some guard's ass by running up this wall and then spinning down. Woo. Look at me go. Oh, hey, one of them has a knife. Uh-oh. Good Ethan scrambles along the ground, lifts up his gauze, finds a gun, and sort of aims it at the blur that is Syd and the guard at the end of the hall. Luckily, his eyes aren't so funky that he can't meet his mark. The guard goes down, and Syd and Good Ethan make a break for it.

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Alias

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