Alias
Double Agent

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Erin: B- | 2 USERS: A+
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Let's Get It Awwwwn

Oops Center's Conference Room Of Endless Expositions. Kendall's Korus of Kooks is hanging out, listening to their Kommander blather on at Good Ethan about how he passed his psych eval and how awesome that is. Good Ethan, who just twists his hands over and over again, looks like he's about to pick up one of the computer monitors and split Kendall's Krome Kabesa in two.

Before he can do that, however, Spy Daddy pipes up that Agent D'Overbite's death has left loads of unanswered questions. Like, how in the hell did they infiltrate Scientist Dude's operation in the first place? Then there's this long speech that Good Ethan gives in these too-sexy-for-primetime hushed tones. What's he say? What do YOU care? It's Ethan Hawke. Blah blah blah, we were hired as security experts for Scientist Dude. Bling blam blooey, D'Overbite blew him in the backseat of his limo, thereby earning his trust enough to become his new driver. Tic tac topsy, she overheard some phone conversation where Scientist Dude said something about Project Helix being ready for testing. And finally, flip flap flop, I can't believe these guys PAID me to come on and do this show! Damn, this is fun!

Kendall's all, Scientist Dude has a boss? Good Ethan's all, yeah, I guess. Whatever. Aren't I cute? Spy Daddy's all, so you never heard the voice yourself? Good Ethan's all, come on! I'm cute, right? Spy Daddy's all, yeah, you're cute. Your eyes okay? Good Ethan's all, yeah, whatever. You said I'm cute. That's enough for me. Now, if I can just get Uma to say it around the house ONCE IN AWHILE.

Regina: Seriously. He's all kinds of cute.
Wendy Kroy: I know. I'm kind of having trouble concentrating on the plot, actually.
Regina: There's a plot?
Wendy Kroy: Oh, don't be rude.
Regina: I'm not! It's just, I'm sort of too stunned by Ethan Hawke's inherent cuteness to pay attention to the whole cloning or whatever thing, you know?
Wendy Kroy: Trust me. I know.

Jack then asks what led to his capture. Good Ethan's all, Langley ordered us to break into the Cuckoo Con Carne facility and hack the central database. I decided to go alone, because that would make it easier for the writers to place me in a position to be abducted and tortured and possibly thought of as an evil clone. And it worked. I was nabbed, dudes, before I even had a chance to transmit some such shit to D'Overbite. Kendall's all, do you know how D'Overbite was compromised? Good Ethan's all, no, but last time I checked, "compromised" was NOT a synonym for "blown up like a donkey-shaped piñata with a bottle rocket shoved up its hole." Kendall's all, okay then. I think that about wraps it up. Why don't you take your grumpy little self off to your safehouse, okay? Unless anyone has anything else to add? Good Ethan looks down at his hands and says, "We were engaged." Everyone kind of looks at each other, and then Syd and Vaughn share this really tense and poignant moment where they both look at each other and appear to wonder, "Durr. Do you think this could be US in a couple of years? Ew. Let's forget about the spy sex we're going to engage in later, okay? I'll see ya around the farm!"

Back from the break, Agent Sean's got his mojo working on Blandy. He's showing her the footage of Olivia D'Overbite blowing up and telling her something about digitizing the news coverage of the bombing. Don't care. He's all, soooo, like Italian food? She's all, save it, soldier; I have a boyfriend, oh-KAY? Agent Sean's all, yeah. Me too.

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Alias

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