Alias
Double Agent

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Let's Get It Awwwwn

Olivia D'Overbite makes her crappy spy-like way into the bathroom, sees that the shower's empty, turns, and there's Bad Ethan, ready to slam her one in the face with his fist. Damn, that looked like it hurt. She must have really sucked in bed. Or not, as the case may be. Oh, who cares? I'm too distracted by Bad Ethan's smooth, sculpted torso to care what's happened to Olivia D'Overbite. We cut to a quick Alias placard shot, and just like last week, it's clear that there isn't going to be any "Story of Alias" voiceover by Agent Sean.

After he busts Olivia D'Overbite's face, we catch up with Bad Ethan as he's making a phone call to Sloane, informing Uncle Arvin that he's been compromised. "How do you want me to handle it?" he asks. Then we're with Uncle Arvin, who's lost his beard, but has gained yet another inappropriately baggy suit reject from the Salvation Army bin in David Byrne's closet. "Use her to send a message," sneers Sloane, looking serenely satanic. "And make it public." Oh, there's just nothing tastier than Satan Sloane. Bad Ethan hangs up the phone and wonders if Uma remembered to turn the oven off before they left for Hell-Lay.

Ess Dee Ex. Syd's hanging around in her red tank top looking forlorn and vaguely uncomfortable, as if she had far too much tuna salad with Miracle Whip and sweet relish for lunch yesterday and that rock in her stomach still hasn't gone away. Her boyfriend enters and walks over to her. He's all, hi. She's all, hi. He's all, hiiii. She's all, hee. I'm all, HEE and gosh and aw and tee hee and giggle giggle. Seriously. There's some sort of dialogue going on but I'll be damned if I'm listening to it. I'm too busy chortling like a twelve-year-old over all the grinning and googling and general "gee we KISSED" ga-ga-ing to even notice if there's TALKING.

After the initial tee-hee-ing dies down, Syd asks about Dix and Dingus. Vaughn tells her that they're going to be in debrief for awhile and that Satan Sloane's been put on Interpol's most wanted list. Then Syd sort of looks down at her shoes in search of a bootleg video of the smooching scene and says, "About last night --" Vaughn's all, oh, is this about Alice McPlotDevice? Syd's all, uh, YEAH. I mean, we were sharing more than a high five last night over our triumph, mmm-kay? Vaughn's all, don't worry about it. I dumped her ass this morning.

Regina: Oh, okay. Way to be classy, Agent Asshole. What, was he just keeping Alice McPlotDevice in reserve until he was sure he had Syd by the seat of her exercise pants?

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Alias

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